Teaching my 3 Teenage Sons to Beware of the 'Woman named Folly'

We are officially on a new journey at our house to teach our 3 teenage sons about how to treat young ladies, as well as teaching how they should expect young ladies to behave. This journey literally started last week when my oldest turned 16, and the twins turned 15 just a month ago. That includes teaching our 16 year old what it means to have the privilege to drive, and the 15 year olds what it means to have the privilege of a cell phone for the first time. This also entails sitting them down to go over the rules of cell phones just to have them break the rules the 2nd day, as well as texting girls in the middle of the night.

The texting lead to one of many lectures about how we treat women, and I figured I will just blog my lecture/lesson here so that I can refer to it regularly, and maybe it might help another Mom or Dad as well. After my son texted his friend (that is a girl) at 1 am I got upset that it only took 2 days after getting a cell phone to break the rules. I just can't help but ask why they can't keep the rules for at least a week? I do know that kids will break rules, but this really got me thinking about what is the etiquette in this day and age regarding teens. I know many will think it's just a late night text and that it's not a big deal, and my son definitely is one of those with the same sentiment. If you look at it just as a late night text than most are missing the heart of the issue, because the heart of the issue IS the heart. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The heart of the issue is our hearts are deceitful and wicked. My son thinks he was right because he was being "nice" to text her back even after he got in trouble for texting too late. He couldn't understand that it's not respectful to text someone that late when they could be asleep, simply because he's a teenager that doesn't have the life experience to know better. It begins though with a heart of disobedience and God says to obey your Mother and Father. It's obvious the girl didn't seem to have an issue with him texting so late, but does that mean it's ok just because they can text at that time. What is the right thing to do should be the question, and not what everyone else is doing. Do we set our standard according to what everyone else is doing? No.

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Joshua didn't say when everyone else chooses to serve the Lord then we will follow, but rather he said emphatically that it doesn't matter what everybody else does we will serve the Lord. We recite this verse often in our house, and relate it to issues like this as an example that it doesn't matter if everyone in the whole universe is texting at all hours of the night we will be respectful of others to not text them after a certain time. My first instinct when this happened was frustration, but God changed my heart from frustration to gratitude for such a privilege to raise my children against the current of our present culture. It really does give me such an opportunity to teach them to be lights in such a dark world. We can choose to be different just like Joshua!

This is an opportunity to teach my 3 teen boys about how we will choose to treat girls no matter how the girls behave, and maybe even teach some of these girls how they should want to be treated! My whole mindset has changed as I've been in prayer of how to respond the way that God would have me respond. I'm now grateful for this teaching opportunity for all three of my sons, and excited to see what God is going to do in each of my sons lives as we begin this new journey of learning.

I think this is a great opportunity to teach my young men about the possible woes of young women. My son didn't understand why it was wrong to text a girl back at 1 am to tell her "I got in trouble and I can't text you", so I had him look up and write out all the verses in Proverbs that gave warnings to a son about the "temptress". I explained that a temptress is "a woman who tempts someone to do something, usually an attractive woman who sets out to allure and seduce someone". He found quite a few verses, and reading them made me realize that I really need to teach our sons to beware of a particular Woman named Folly.

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn't know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men, going by who are minding their own business. "Come in with me", she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment she says, "Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret is the best!" But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave. Proverbs 9:13-18

O my son, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways. A prostitute is a dangerous trap; a promiscuous woman is as dangerous as falling into a narrow well. She hide and waits like a robber, eager to make more men unfaithful. Proverbs 23:26-28

I'm not saying that because a young lady is texting that late at night that she is like the woman named Folly of Proverbs. Actually, these verses helped me to realize that the woman is most likely named Folly because a young man wasn't taught how to treat that young woman. Women need young men that will show them how they deserve to be treated. There are women named Folly, because there are foolish men. There are foolish brothers, fathers, friends, and boyfriends that have not shown a woman that she deserves to be honored and cherished as a woman, and not treated as a sexual object. There are men that have objectified or abused the woman named Folly. My prayer is that I will have 3 sons that won't be a part of the reason a woman becomes a woman of folly.

I will teach my sons how to treat young ladies which entails; calling them at appropriate hours, how they talk to them, choosing to open the door for them, being a young man of their word, taking responsibility for bad choices, and having the young ladies best interest at heart. I will teach my sons that women are not to be objectified for their own pleasures, and to pursue their hearts and not their bodies. I will teach my sons that when they win their hearts, then they are to cherish it like a priceless but breakable treasure.

I will also teach my sons that they should be cautious of the immoral, promiscuous woman who tries to solicit them with their seductive, immodest dress, and flirtatious flattery. (Proverbs 5:1-23;7:1-27) When I think of a woman named Folly I can't help but think of the Carl's Jr. Super Bowl commercial model, in which that same model was unbelievably inappropriate on DWTS after saying she didn't want to be know just for her "boobs". There are so many women named Folly everywhere in our culture today!

Solomon wrote so many verses about such women in Proverbs because Solomon knew something about these kinds of women as he had over 700 wives and concubines. Solomon is said to have been very wise, and yet he fell into the trap of the seductive woman. Solomon is warning his sons because he knows what a great temptation this is for any young man, and he didn't have the greatest example from his father David who fell into the seductive power of Bathsheba bathing on the rooftop. Solomon definitely knows a few things about the power of a woman named Folly.

This has all brought up many questions about today's society. Is it old fashioned for the man to call the woman? Are we now in the age of the liberated woman that should be able to call a guy? How liberated is a woman if there are more rapes than ever, more women sold into sexual slavery, and more women sexually objectified than ever before? That's not my idea of liberation!! God created a woman with the desire for a man to pursue her heart, and God created a man with a desire to pursue. We have turned all the rules upside down, and how's that working out for us? 

God has an order to a relationship, and in Proverbs He's certainly warning that a woman named Folly will pursue them to seduce them. Does that mean that any woman that has called or pursued a man is doomed in their relationship, or that they are women of folly? No. With every rule there are some exceptions. It does mean that God has created order in a relationship with a man and a woman for our own good. 

...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

God knows the heart of a woman desires love. God tells the husband to love his wife, but then why doesn't he instruct the wife to love her husband? God knows the heart of a wife can not help but love her husband if the husband loves her as he loves himself (and even more profound is to love the wife like Christ loved the Church). God knows that a woman's weakness is respecting the husband, and thus His command is for her to respect knowing that is what meets the husband's desire of his heart. 

[The man] leads [the woman] onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own - a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts in leadership and delights in it (John Ensor, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

I love the analogy of dancing to illustrate how God has created the man and woman. God has wired the heart of a woman with the desire to be pursued, just as He has wired the heart of a man with the desire to pursue the woman. When a man pursues a woman's heart than he is proving that he is a godly man who will lead and love the woman well in marriage. A woman that allows a man to pursue her is showing that she is waiting on God, and she trust that God is truly the lover of her soul. 

The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man's way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. Proverbs 21:1-2

We think we know ourselves best, but really only the God who created us can know how He wired us. I was just reminded this weekend that God loves to put together amazing stories that showcase His power, His Love for us, His grace, and His glory! I'm going to continue to teach my 3 teenage sons that they should do it God's way, and then just sit back to watch God show off!!  

The Effectual Fervent Prayers of a Righteous Mom Availeth Much

As my first born child turns 16 in a few days, I'm reminded of how he's getting closer to leaving the nest. I have been asking myself what the greatest thing that I can do for him these next few years? I think of so many things like discipline, time, relationship, love, and tons of food. While those things are very important, they don't feel like the most important. I fail at all those things daily! I have made so many mistakes as a parent that it often makes me feel super inadequate as a Mom! 

I can't do this in my own strength, and it's my failures that cause me to realize that prayer is the most important thing I can do for my children!! We have a list of prayers we pray daily for our kids that hangs on Ken's mirror in the bathroom (that prayer list is below). Anytime I look in the mirror I see it and it reminds me to pray for my kids. My main prayer is that God would use all my inadequacies for His good. We have some cracks in our shower, and I think of prayer like the caulk my husband keeps using to fill in the cracks. I am ONLY a righteous Mom because I have been made right with God through Christ, and I'm free from guilt or sin because of his sacrifice for me on the cross. Praise God that I can go before Him directly to petition Him about my children!!

James 5:16King James Version (KJV) 

16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb my heart was so full of joy!! I had waited on God for 8 years to make my husband's heart ready for children, and the longer one waits for something the more the anticipation!! I prayed every day for my son when he was in the womb, and continually prayed for his health, his future, and the birth. My water broke at 12:30 am about 2 weeks early. I wasn't having contractions so we thought I had a lot of time. We got to the hospital about 2:30 am, which was after I took a bath, and we went by the ATM at the bank. When they checked me I was already dilated to a 6, and 80% effaced. They were rushing to get some IV's in me because I was a strep carrier. I really had no pain at all with the contractions, and I was peacefully sleeping with worship music going quietly. Caleb was born at 9:50 am, and was a beautiful perfectly healthy 7 lb. baby boy.

Later that night Caleb wouldn't breast feed, and they were supplementing with bottles. I was frustrated, but somewhat grateful to get some sleep. The following day we had a specialist come in to try to help with breast feeding. We tried everything but he still wouldn't so I fed him a bottle. He only took a little bit of formula but then began to spit up green stuff, and he began to chock and gag. We called for the nurse and by the time she came in we realized that it was bile, and he was beginning to turn blue. They rushed him to the nursery, and we felt so much anguish. We began to pray immediately for him to breath, as well as wisdom for the nurses and doctors to care for him. They immediately began to pump his stomach, but didn't know why he was spitting up bile. They did a Barium enema and found that his intestine was swollen. They thought it was a blockage. The doctor came in and told us that they were calling a specialist in from Children's to do surgery at 6 pm that night. I began to cry as my son was only 2 days old. We were so grateful that we had a pastor from our church there, and he began to pray with us.

The doctor from Children's got to our Hospital, and was about to prepare for surgery. They did another Barium enema and the swelling had gone down. They still were concerned that there was a blockage. We began to pray fervently, and we dedicated him right there to God! We thanked God for giving him to our care, but told God that Caleb was His, and we asked that he would release the blockage and restore his health. About 20 minutes before the surgery was scheduled Caleb filled his first diaper which was mostly meconium, and then filled 5 more diapers in 10 minutes. They saw his intestines looked normal so they weren't going to do surgery, but decided they wanted to keep him in NICU for observation, test, and to finish his round of antibiotics he had already started. Thank God the fervent prayers of a righteous Mom (and many other people) availeth much!!

There have been many times since Caleb's birth that left us with nothing else to do but pray. He has been "lost" or separated from us 3 times. One of those times I just heard about a few years ago, but I won't go there!! There is nothing as horrible as the feeling of losing your child. We lost him when he was 5 at the Fort Worth Zoo, when he walked off because he couldn't see us even though we were just a few feet away from him. We found him after about 15 minutes, but that was the scariest 15 minutes of my life. I once again gave him to God, and realized that God knew where Caleb was. I prayed that God would keep Caleb safe, as well as to give me wisdom to know where Caleb could be. We found him at the elephants, because that is the first place I knew he would go. God is faithful to hear the fervent prayers of a righteous Mom!!

He is now 16, and about to be driving!! He got a new truck for his birthday! I will be praying for his continual protection every time he gets in his new truck to drive. I also pray a blessing over my son, and give him continually to God. Ken and I often remind ourselves that God doesn't have grandchildren, and that our children are His! I know that the greatest thing I can do for my kids is to pray to their Heavenly Father, their Creator, and the One that loves them more than I even know is possible! I am so grateful that God is good, and He always hears the Effectual Fervent Prayers of a Righteous Mom!!

Why do the fervent prayers of a righteous man/woman/Mom/Father availeth much? It's not just any prayer, but one who is justified by the righteousness of Christ, and has the truth of grace in him, and lives soberly and righteously; not any prayer of a righteous man is of avail, but that which is "effectual, fervent"; that has power, and energy, and life in it; which is with the Spirit, and with the understanding, with the heart, even with a true heart, and in faith; and which is put up with fervency, and not in a cold, lukewarm, lifeless, formal, and customary way; it availeth much in that it has great value and worth. 

I pray that I would be a righteous Mom with effectual fervent prayers daily for my children! There really is nothing greater that I can do for them then to pray!!

SOME ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

I have 3 books I've read as a parent that have changed my life! Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp, and The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent. 

Scriptural PRAYERS to Pray for Your Children

1. That they will know Christ as Savior early in life. (Psalms 63:1, II Timothy 3:15)

2.  That they will have a hatred for sin. (Psalms 97:10)

3.  That they will be caught when guilty. (Psalms 119:71)

4.  That they will be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives:  spiritual, emotional, physical.  (John 17:15)

5.  That they will have a responsible attitude in all their interpersonal relationships. (Daniel 6:3)

6.  That they will respect those in authority over them. (Romans 13:1)

7.  That they will desire the right kind of friends and be protected from the wrong friends. (Proverbs 1:10-11)  

8.  That they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. (II Corinthians 6:14-17)

9.  That they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage.  (I Corinthians 6:18-20)

10. That they will learn to totally submit to God and actively resist Satan in all circumstances.  (James 4:7)

11.  That they will be single-hearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ. (Romans 12:1, 2)

12.  That they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people or wrong places and that the wrong people cannot find their way to them (Hosea 2:6)

Who is Your Avenger?

My first Bible I got when I was 6, and my first cross pendant I got when I was 10.

When you google Avengers you will find pictures of a movie with Super Heros. Have you ever tried to avenge yourself? How did that work out for you? Well, since there really aren't any super heroes that are Avengers, then who is our Avenger. This all was put into perspective for me yesterday when I heard the verdict in the trial regarding the murder of Chris Kyle. It's been just a little over two years that the former Navy Seal and sniper was killed, as well as his friend Chad Littlefield. Chad's Mom came out to give a brief statement after the verdict was read, which said "We've waited two years for God to get justice for us on behalf of our son". That really reminded me of the verse: 

Romans 12:18-20New King James Version (NKJV)18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”[b]

This grieving Mom seems to understand that justice and vengeance is not for us, but for God! When we seek our own justice and vengeance then we really are seeking to take God's role as the Avenger, and we give place in our lives to not only wrath but bitterness and resentment. God is the ultimate Avenger! He is the only one that can rightly judge the hearts and motives of people, and He will give each the proper punishment. When we hold onto that wrath, bitterness, and resentment than we are actually enslaved to the acts of the person we are seeking vengeance against.

It was my own Mom that taught me this lesson about God's vengeance. We found out my Mom had pancreatic cancer in September of 1995. She had radiation and chemotherapy to try to reduce the tumor in her pancreas before they would try to do surgery to remove it. As soon as she finished her last session of chemo in Houston I drove her back with me to Dallas to stay for several weeks in order to try to build up her strength before her operation in November. I have some of my best memories with her during that drive to Dallas, but one memory was a life lesson that I will never forget.

I was passing an 18 wheeler on I-45 when a black pick-up truck behind me began riding my bumper. I sped up a little, but was already going over the speed limit so I didn't want to go too much faster. The black truck then began to honk at me, and she was really starting to tick me off. The truck was so close behind me that I could actually see that it was a woman, and I could also see her screaming at me. I got over into the other lane as soon as I could so the black truck could go by me. As the truck passed me she was flipping me off, and actually had her window down yelling at me. I was so mad that I was going to follow her and get her license number. My Mom just held my arm and quoted Romans 12:19 to me "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord". I told my Mom that she really needs to be reported, but my Mom insisted that the Lord would take care of it. I just said "ok, Lord take care of it". We drove about 5 miles down the road and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. That black truck was pulled over by a police car, and the policeman was having her get out of the truck. My Mom and I looked at each other, and my Mom said "See, God's word is always true".

That was a huge lesson for me, because it really made me realize how upset I was for nothing. When we hold onto things for ourselves because we think we need to seek vengeance than we are really putting ourselves at risk. It gave me a visual picture of that, because this woman was so out of control that trying to seek my own vengeance could only escalate the situation. It reminded me that we are only responsible for our own actions in this life, and we aren't responsible at all for the actions of others. When we choose to let God be our avenger, then we can be released from harmful emotions, as well as free from any control of Satan.

If you don't understand how this applies in our every day lives. This is most applicable in our marriages as women can tend to remember and hold onto things for many years. I used to be a wife that would purposefully hurt my husband when I felt deeply hurt by him instead of talking to him. I still can fall into that occasionally, but if I love him I will never seek to purposefully hurt him. I have seen this many times in couples when I counsel them, and have seen a husband do this as well when he was deeply hurt set out to purposefully hurt his wife. It is a huge marriage killer, and friendship killer as well. Love is not a noun, but a verb. It takes daily action to love with the kind of love that the Bible talks about. Our spouses, friends, and family members can feel like our enemies, it is so much harder than loving those who are kind to us. It takes prayer, and conscious effort to have that kind of love.

Luke 6: 31-33  Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you. what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

How is God's vengeance possible:

1. Prayer for the person(s). (Matthew 5:44)
2. Trust that God is the greatest Avenger. (Romans 12:19)
3. Trusting that God's Word and His promises are true. (Hebrews 10:23)
4. Prayer for God to have vengeance, and releasing it to Him. (Romans 12:19)
5. Taking control of your thoughts about that person, and not letting thoughts of vengeance take control of your mind. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
6. Praying that God would take away all anger, bitterness, resentment, wrath, and rage. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
7. Allowing yourself to forgive that person so that you can be free from them, but knowing that it doesn't absolve them from what they did. Forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. (Matthew 6:12)
8. Asking yourself what you want to be known for; as a resentful, bitter, and vengeful person...or a loving, caring, and forgiving person. (James 1:2-4)
9. Realize that it is Satan that seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. It is God that wants to give us life more abundantly. (John 10:10)

I don't know a lot about the Littlefield family, but Mrs. Littlefield's statement spoke volumes to me that she is someone that trust God to bring vengeance for the death of her son. That tells me that she rest in knowing that her son's killer has been brought to justice, and will continue to be brought to justice. Only God can bring ultimate justice that promises true and full restitution for all hurt, and everything that has been lost. I pray that the families will have peace to know that it's all in God's hands! Both my Mom and Chad Littlefield's Mom have helped to teach me that there is only one true Avenger, who is the only one that can know the hearts and minds of those accused. I can rest in God's promise that He will avenge and repay for ALL wrongs. 

DISCLAIMER:  While I do support a veteran who was responsible for saving countless military lives, and helping to protect our freedoms, I was excruciatingly disappointed in the movie "American Sniper". I'm so grateful for Chris Kyle's service in combat, his families sacrifice, his work to help vets after his service, and I feel like in many ways he is a hero. I can't be supportive though of this movie as a Christian for it's content of language, bing drinking, premarital sex, and even how other people use it to celebrate the taking of any human life. Chris Kyle says it's about God, Country, Family, then when he says God first I would hope that he is talking about the love of God's commands. When God talks about our love for Him, He always refers to our love for God in conjunction with obedience to His commands. The Bible tells us clearly not to let any unwholesome word proceed from our mouth (Ephesians 4:29), to not be drunk with alcohol (Proverbs 20:1; Ephesians 5:18), and do not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14). There is a character in the movie that talks about how Chris Kyle carries a small Bible around with him (that he stole from church when he was young), and makes a comment that he carries it around but has never seen him read it. The Bible says to be doers of the Word, and not hearers only (James 1:22). I realize that no one is perfect, and that God forgives us of all our sins when we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, but I just feel that when I've heard silence on these things it's like condoning it as Christian principles. I do not want anyone to mistake my support of the verdict as a support for the movie!

Fifty Shades of Silver

In 5 months my husband and I will be celebrating our Silver anniversary. Being a wife for almost 25 years, as well as being someone who does marriage counseling I believe I have a little perspective on why women over 35 are flocking to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I was never planning on blogging about it, but as I was praying one day about what to write I saw a great post that talked about the dangerous message it sends to girls and it talked about how all girls want to be the apple of their father's eye. It really struck a cord with me, so I then began to pray for the women that are flocking to see this movie to seek some fantasy only to find that it leaves them more empty in the end! How do I know that? I know that because statistically speaking I should be one of those women flocking to that theater. I'm one of those that didn't have a father, and was sometimes a latchkey child as my Mom would work. 

I sought out attention from boys and men as a teen. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, but I wanted to feel loved and wanted by a male. I was very lucky though that I had a Grandfather, brothers, and male father figures at my church that gave me appropriate attention so that I did have some understanding that male attention did not have to mean sexually. It was the abandonment feelings of my father and other males though that often left me feeling unwanted and unlovable. Wanting love and affirmation, I gave my heart completely at the tender age of 14 to an older guy, but got words and actions that only left my heart completely broken. 

When I left for college I became focused on my goals of becoming a counselor, and decided I was warding off boys forever. It was the first week of college and I was hanging out in the game room with some of my new friends. I saw my future husband for the first time from across the room, he was very cute, but not at all who I would normally date. We were all talking in a group, but we never introduced ourselves officially that night. 

Then, my first class on the first day of college I walked into my speech class and he was sitting next to a mutual friend (more like acquaintance since I only met him a couple of times), and so I ended up sitting next to Ken. We said "hi" and smiled at each other, but then I started talking across him to our mutual friend. I had told our mutual friend that my name was April May June, and he believed me. As the teacher called our names she called my maiden name April Patton, and before I could answer he was arguing with the teacher. Well, that started some note writing back and forth, in which I wrote something in Ken's book to our mutual friend what would now be considered very politically incorrect to call someone. So he set out to prove me wrong, asked me to go for a ride in his white Cobra Mustang and kissed me before we even had an official date. I would say the rest is history, but it actually isn't. 

The next few years consisted of some very confusing years of dating and breaking up. I never officially dated anyone else during that time, but we both did have times of going out with other people. He was very flirtatious with other girls, and cocky with all the guys. His lack of attention on me set me straight that I didn't want to get serious with anyone unless I knew that we were going to get married one day. I began to pray for the man God had and make a mental check list of all the characteristics of godly men that I knew that I wanted my future husband to have. 

Job 22:25  Then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver.

Proverbs 25:11  A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

In honor of our silver anniversary and since it stands in stark contrast to the character Christian Grey, I am calling my check list fifty shades of silver. These are the things I prayed that the man I married would be...

1. A man that loved God first.
2. A man that loved me second.
3. A man who sought the truth.
4. A man who loved God's Word.
5. A man who would pray with me.
6. A man that cared for others, and himself. (I didn't want a self-lover or a self-loather.)
7. A man that was goal-oriented toward the future, but not at the expense of people.
8. A man that was teachable.
9. A man that had no problem making and keeping commitments.
10. A man who was gentle.
11. A man who was kind.
12. A man who was not afraid to admit he was wrong.
13. A man who sought out wise counsel from others.
14. A man who saw me at my worst, and still loved me.
15. A man who was quick to forgive.
16. A man who was patient.
17. A man who wasn't afraid to tell me every day that he loved me.
18. A man who trusted in God.
19. A man who could make me laugh.
20. A man who was financially responsible.
21. A man who was generous.
22. A man who believed in tithing to God.
23. A man who loved life, and enjoyed it.
24. A man who thought I was beautiful and would tell me.
25. A man who loved music.
26. A man who would open the door for me.
27. A man who was affectionate.
28. A man who carefully chose his friends.
29. A man who never sought to purposefully hurt me.
30. A man who was not jealous. 
31. A man who listened well before speaking.
32. A man who would treat my heart like a piece of fine china.
33. A man who would support my dreams.
34. A man who would seek to do what I like to do, because it makes me happy.
35. A man who wasn't afraid to do traditional women's roles.
36. A man who would never tire of kissing me.
37. A man who would seek to know all the desires of my heart.
38. A man who would seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
39. A man who loved children.
40. A man who loved to minister together.
41. A man who would seek to be one flesh more than sexual fulfillment. 
42. A man who would not be complacent about our relationship.
43. A man who would not yell, put down, manipulate or try to intimidate me.
44. A man who is honest.
45. A man who seeks after purity.
46. A man who always wants to let me know he's thinking of me throughout the day.
47. A man who will answer my calls at work (and I only call when necessary).
48. A man who seeks to protect me mentally, physically, and spiritually.
49. A man who provides for me and his family. 
50. A man who loved dogs. (I just had to add that because I really wanted a dog.)

Ken had a few of these characteristics while we were dating that first year and a half. Something happened to ME that summer after Ken graduated as he was getting ready to go to Law School. I began to question if we would make it when he went off to school as we would not get to see each other with our schedules. I was starting my Junior year at Dallas Baptist University as a dorm director, and he was going to Oklahoma City University. I wanted to know if we were just waisting our time waiting to be together or if we were meant to be. When Ken talked about Law School he openly said he wanted to make money. He had a love for nice cars. I loved that he was so ambitious, and I had accepted that he would get upset if I even leaned up against his car. 

Something shifted in me and my prayers. I began to pray that if this was the man that God would have me marry then I would be the right wife that would make him want to be all of those things. I began to change, and then I began to see him change as well. How can we expect to pray for someone to be what we want when we haven't prayed that we would be what they need?

I had to go home to Lake Jackson for the rest of the summer because my job fell through in Dallas, and when I came back for school he had already left for law school. I was feeling like we weren't going to make it, and I was starting to think we should break up. One day I started to think if it was God's will for us to be together then maybe it wasn't God's will for Ken to be in Law School, because it was just too hard to be away from each other that long. I had heard a sermon on specific prayers and how we are to pray for God's will either way. I began to pray that if it wasn't God's will for Ken to be in Law School that he would show him; that he wouldn't like the studying, he wouldn't like the campus, he wouldn't like the people, he wouldn't like his classes, and God would shut the door. I also began to pray that if it was God's will He would make it clear; that he would do well, that he would love the campus, and people, etc. He called me about a week later and told me that he was so miserable, and how much he hated everything! I couldn't believe what he was saying, because he had planned on going to Law School since he was 16 years old. I continued to pray. He would call me every couple of days to tell me the same thing. 

One day I woke up at about 5:30 am with the urge to pray, and I prayed until I had to be somewhere that morning to help with Freshman orientation. As I was about to walk out the double doors from my dorm a friend told me she just saw Ken. I thought she was joking, but when I walked through the doors he was standing there. We had not seen each other for a month so we were both so glad to see each other. He looked so tired and jaded though. I had to go and so did he to take his roommate home (as he just woke his roommate up and told him he was going home if he wanted to come), but he said he would be back and that we had to talk. When he came back later that afternoon he was helping me carry my big trunk to my room, and he said he didn't know what to do as he hated it and he missed me so much. He told me he lost his grant money and he didn't want to take out a loan to add any debt. I didn't know what to say.

Ken asked me what he should do, and I asked him if he had prayed about it. He said he had been praying about it, but never sought if it was God's will. I asked him if he thought God would give him peace and provide if it was His will. He knew that moment that he wasn't going back. He asked me for my Bible, and he told me that he had woken up that morning around 5:30 am. He said that God brought him to 1 Corinthians 13, and he knew that he wanted to show me that kind of love. He said he knew after reading the Bible and praying that he wanted to marry me, and he packed his bags to come home to ask me. He actually got on both knees by the bed while he read 1 Corinthians 13 to me, and then he asked me to marry him. I knew that God had answered my prayers right there and that God was making him that kind of man I wanted to marry. He sought God above all others, and put aside his own desires to show me a sacrificial love!!

You might still be wondering what this has to do with the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. I've been told that people who try to find counterfeit money don't study the counterfeit but instead they study very carefully what real money looks like. I'm not here to tell you all about why Fifty Shades of Grey is so bad, but to show you the real thing so if you even see the horrible trailer of the movie you can see the contrast and that you will know for yourself that it's all a BIG counterfeit for true love and "romance". The counterfeit will always leave you feeling empty eventually, but real love will leave you forever feeling loved, accepted, and fulfilled. How do I know? Because I've seen both counterfeit and real love not only in my personal life but in the couples that come to me for counseling! 

Philippians 2:2  Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Real love only comes from God who is LOVE, and the counterfeit always comes from the devil. 

1 Peter 5:8  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

Grey is a color that comes from merging black and white together, but silver is a costly precious metal that comes from refining out all the impurities. There is no grey when it comes to what constitutes real love and what is counterfeit. I pray that each of you will find for yourselves what true love means, and that you will NEVER fall for the counterfeit. I can only thank God for the Real love that He has given to my husband and I for the last 25 years!!

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-love-25-awesome-scripture-quotes/#ixzz3S43cE6js

I'm the Apple of My Father's Eye

I used to always hear the saying "she's the apple of his eye", and it was usually talking about a daughter to her father's eye. Hearing it would strike to the heart of my very being as I always wanted to be the apple of my father's eye. My father left the family when I was 3, and I very rarely saw him throughout my life. I always had a huge hole in my heart where I longed for my father's love and approval.

I had become a very angry person. I saw my Dad before I started my senior year, and we went together to open a savings account for college that he said he would put money in every month. He put a couple of hundred dollars to start off with, and I began to put money into it as well. One day when I was having to pay for some of my admissions for colleges I was applying for I went to withdraw from the account and the teller said it had been closed by Richard Patton. I was devastated that my Dad had taken all the money including what I had put into my account. Who would do that to anyone, much less a father to his daughter! He never said a word about it, but one day after not hearing from him for the whole year he called and told me that he would come to my high school graduation. I looked for him, but He wasn't there.

My Mom and I moved in with my Grandparents the summer before my senior year. What was supposed to be a very joyful and special time in my life was some of the worst memories of my life. I went to school from 7 am to 2 pm and I had 2 jobs after school. One morning I woke up to my Mom telling me to get up that my "Granddad was dead and I needed to take the kids from the day-care to school".  I got up to take those kids, but I was very angry about how such grievous news was handled. My senior year I had some serious health issues as well. I had a nodule in my throat that they thought could be cancerous. It kept growing and getting harder, until it was baseball size. I had thyroid surgery after graduation, and I'm so grateful that it was benign.

I never felt like I was worthy of love. That summer after I graduated and after I recovered from my surgery I went on a mission trip to Washington State. I didn't realize it when I left, but that mission trip would change my life. One night on that mission trip the pastor was leading a youth rally, and he shared a story about a girl who was willing to die for her father. I remember just feeling such anger, bitterness, and actual rage welling up in me. I didn't even want to think of the possibility that God would ask me to do anything for my father much less die for him. I felt so angry at my father and God for asking anything of me like that when my father had done nothing but hurt me. It was like a mirror was being held up to my face and I could see how ugly the bitterness looked on the inside of me. I knew God was saying as I saw the ugliness inside of me, "I did that for you". I literally saw how ugly my sin was to God, yet He still loved me enough to die for me. I began to cry and felt God working in my heart to release the bitterness and forgive my father. I had read several verses that said God is a father to the fatherless. I first released my earthly father from ever being what I would expect a father to be, and I literally held my hands in the air and asked God to be my Father.

When I returned home I was asked to share a story about the mission trip at church. I was going to share some other stories of several of the youth there that really committed their lives to Christ, but as I got up there I just began to share what happened to me on that mission trip and how God changed my heart. My brother called me the next day and told me that my dad was at his house and that the service with my testimony had been on TV. My dad had watched it and was crying. He said he never knew he hurt anyone so much. My Dad never said anything to me, but it was such a relief to know that he had been able to hear my heart. I began to see God do miracles in my life, and He truly showed me that He was my Father. God was always my Father, but it wasn't until I stopped looking to my earthly father that I could see He was my provider. Literally everything my earthly father ever promised me God provided. God is a FAITHFUL Father! He provided for my college at an expensive private school, and a car for $250. Who gets a car that runs for that?

God is also a loving Father that restores relationships! He is the ultimate Ward Cleaver! I was so angry at my Mom for how she told me about my Grandfather's death, but when I came home from the mission trip she told me how sorry she was for the way she woke me up and how she had told me the morning of his passing. God restored the relationship so that we were closer than ever before I left for college. It was only a few months after I got to college that I met what would be my future husband for almost 25 years now (which is a story for another day).

I finally knew that I was the apple of my Heavenly Father's eye!

God's Word says that we are the apple of His eye:

Deuteronomy 32:10

He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

in the Book of Psalms 17:8

Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings

in Proverbs 7:2

Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

Lamentations 2: 18

Their heart cried unto the Lord, O wall of the daughter of Zion, let tears run down like a river day and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease.

as well as in Zechariah 2:8

For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_of_my_eye

I love to think of being the apple of God's eye for many different reasons:

• My oldest niece couldn't pronounce my name - April - so she would call me Apple. So this Idiom has a special meaning for me as it is part of a nick name. Celebrities are calling their kids Apple so why not?
• The phrase apple of my eye refers to something or someone that one cherishes above all others. Some believe it comes from choosing so carefully the best apple of the bunch. When God says we are the apple of His eye, it is because we are carefully chosen and cherished out of the bunch for His calling. 
• Apples are given to teachers to show appreciation of how they help their students to grow and learn, and some believe it is because it is associated with Adam and Eve and the tree of Knowledge. 
• Originally meaning the central aperture (pupil) of the eye. When you look at the pupil of someone's eye you can see your refection in it.

I love that I am the apple of God's eye! When I look into the very pupil of God's eyes I see myself reflected back, and I know that His eyes are always carefully watching over me! It doesn't matter really who on this earth thinks you're the apple of their eye, when the God of the universe calls you that by name!

I know Valentine's day is usually about romantic love, but I think it's a great time to reflect on God's love. The very nature of God is LOVE! He is a loving and faithful Father! Happy Valentine's Day! 

http://biblehub.com/zechariah/2-8.htm

God is in Montana

This blog has been in the works for several months, but my heart has been so fearful to share because of shame and guilt.  I read a book several years ago where the title is "When People are Big, and God is small".  I am ashamed to say that I have made people quite big in my life, and God very small.  I am choosing to make God bigger by sharing this story, and knowing that there will be some who do not agree with all of my choices especially as a parent, and even as a Christian.  I know that God has a plan to use all of this very heartbreaking, and bad stuff for His good!!!  Here is a brief story of what has been happening the last few months and how we got here......

Some of you may have noticed we have been missing one child from our pictures lately.  For those of you that don't know, we took our middle son Nathan to a residential youth home in Montana in February.  This has been a long, difficult, and prayerful decision!  For those of you that do not believe in spiritual warfare I can tell you that there indeed is, and my son is living testimony to it!  From the very beginning at conception there has been a spiritual attack on his life,.  I found out I was pregnant with twins when Caleb was 5 months old.  It was a difficult pregnancy for so many different reasons, but mostly because I was in bed rest with an active little one at home for 2 weeks, then in the hospital for almost 3 weeks, and then they were born 7 weeks premature.  Nathan was not growing very much in the womb, and did not have a very healthy level of fluid.  They recommended that we abort him for the best chance of survival for baby B (Noah).  We refused to even think of that, and trusted that God had a plan.  When Nathan was born, he weighed a lot less than Noah and was so tiny for even his 4 lbs 7 ozs.  He was severely jaundiced, and was on a ventilator.   His lungs were severely underdeveloped, and for the next 3 months he was in the hospital on and off of oxygen, and he came home on a heart monitor and feeding tube.  

For the first year of his life we were on survival mode, he would not eat enough to gain weight, he would aspirate, and spit up half of what I got down him.  We had him in development classes to help him, and then later speech therapy.  At a year old he finally had some expressions, but before that was very melancholy.  At 18 months he was becoming the exact opposite of melancholy and became very active, tenacious and stubborn.  We hit the terrible 2's, which lasted until 7.  He has had a terrible time with school, church, and anything with authority and structured activities.  He could be very aggressive with anyone in authority, and known to even hit teachers, scream and throw things.  He was in the office more days than not.  We sought every help we could get, but we mostly prayed and then found a book that has helped soo much called "Shepherding a Child's Heart".  This helped so much at home, but still had some troubles at school where he was even suspended.  We then put him in public school for a year, but then saw his grades go down.  We saw some of the things were not all behavioral this time, but not lack of concentration either.  We took him to get his brain tested and found he has auditory processing disorder.  We tried to get the school to make small adjustments to help him, but they would not do it.  We decided to bring him home for homeschooling, where we made the necessary adjustments.  He has been excelling with his school work, but has caused so much chaos at home.  The past 5 months we have seen a very concerning side to Nathan that does not care how his choices affect others around him.  He has been the model son to our face, but when he thinks we can't see or know something he does the exact opposite than what we tell him.  He has lied to us more than we can count.  He has caused his brothers and sister to feel like they have to protect themselves from him.  Now we just saw him turn 12 in February, going through puberty, and he told us that he has no idea why he does it and does not know how to change.   He struggles so much to take responsibility for his choices, and be accountable for his actions.  

We had been praying about a program where we could take him to help him, because we do not know how to get through to him.  We looked and applied to several in state programs, but they would not or could not take him.  We laid down several things that we needed in a place as we prayed for signs and answers about what to do.  We did begin to feel like this is the spiritual battle for his life!  We put him in the program where we go for home study to do his work at the school for 2 weeks.  They were great at Willow Bend Academy to help and support us.  We took him on a retreat with the children's pastor at our church that poured into him, and prayed for and supported us!  We then took him to Ken's Aunt and Uncle that poured into him and prayed for us and over him.  During this time we were continuing to pray for wisdom, and we were referred by 3 different places and people to this place in Montana.  We talked to the Director of the program for over an hour, and everything she said confirmed what we were thinking and feeling.  The signs were too numerous to name, but the first one is that one of my dearest friends lives in Montana and we had gone there this past summer to visit them.   We were extremely familiar with where they were located, and that gave us so much peace.  Another was they do Light University which uses the same curriculum we have been using with Nathan.  We talked to several of the references of former students and they all said it was hard, but life changing.  We began to have a peace about it!  I was able to get all the equipment that he needed that would have cost $2,000 for $600, and just the travel arrangements were easy and some free with points.  We had his birthday camp out on Friday night, and left after the kids left from the party on Saturday.  The final sign was our dog ran away Friday night, and I told God if we are to go then we would find him before we needed to leave for the airport.  His tags had fallen off so there was not a good chance of finding him. We literally got the phone call minutes before we were leaving on Saturday that he had been found!  This is still the hardest thing that I have gone through since my Mom's death, but just like then I could not make it without the peace of God that surpasses all my human understanding!  A piece of me is missing until he comes home, but God is already doing supernatural work in all of us!  When Nathan hugged me good bye, he held me longer and tighter than he ever had, and it was hard to let go of him!  I pray when we are not there to cling to, that he learns to cling to Christ!  We would appreciate your prayers for our family during this time, and that God would work this all for good for all of us that love Him and are called according to His purpose!

People ask where is God in these times.....well I can tell you that He was right there in Montana with us and with my son now.  We felt such peace as we went to the very Target we had gone to the summer before, and just knew that God had arranged every thing before we ever knew this would happen.  We did not know where Nathan would be when we went to Montana that summer, but God did.  He is the one that goes before us, and prepares the way and is so gracious to prepare our hearts!!  I can choose to trust that when I am not there with my son right now, God most certainly without a doubt is in Montana!

Psalm 127 1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. 3 Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one's youth. 5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.