Teaching my 3 Teenage Sons to Beware of the 'Woman named Folly'

We are officially on a new journey at our house to teach our 3 teenage sons about how to treat young ladies, as well as teaching how they should expect young ladies to behave. This journey literally started last week when my oldest turned 16, and the twins turned 15 just a month ago. That includes teaching our 16 year old what it means to have the privilege to drive, and the 15 year olds what it means to have the privilege of a cell phone for the first time. This also entails sitting them down to go over the rules of cell phones just to have them break the rules the 2nd day, as well as texting girls in the middle of the night.

The texting lead to one of many lectures about how we treat women, and I figured I will just blog my lecture/lesson here so that I can refer to it regularly, and maybe it might help another Mom or Dad as well. After my son texted his friend (that is a girl) at 1 am I got upset that it only took 2 days after getting a cell phone to break the rules. I just can't help but ask why they can't keep the rules for at least a week? I do know that kids will break rules, but this really got me thinking about what is the etiquette in this day and age regarding teens. I know many will think it's just a late night text and that it's not a big deal, and my son definitely is one of those with the same sentiment. If you look at it just as a late night text than most are missing the heart of the issue, because the heart of the issue IS the heart. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The heart of the issue is our hearts are deceitful and wicked. My son thinks he was right because he was being "nice" to text her back even after he got in trouble for texting too late. He couldn't understand that it's not respectful to text someone that late when they could be asleep, simply because he's a teenager that doesn't have the life experience to know better. It begins though with a heart of disobedience and God says to obey your Mother and Father. It's obvious the girl didn't seem to have an issue with him texting so late, but does that mean it's ok just because they can text at that time. What is the right thing to do should be the question, and not what everyone else is doing. Do we set our standard according to what everyone else is doing? No.

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Joshua didn't say when everyone else chooses to serve the Lord then we will follow, but rather he said emphatically that it doesn't matter what everybody else does we will serve the Lord. We recite this verse often in our house, and relate it to issues like this as an example that it doesn't matter if everyone in the whole universe is texting at all hours of the night we will be respectful of others to not text them after a certain time. My first instinct when this happened was frustration, but God changed my heart from frustration to gratitude for such a privilege to raise my children against the current of our present culture. It really does give me such an opportunity to teach them to be lights in such a dark world. We can choose to be different just like Joshua!

This is an opportunity to teach my 3 teen boys about how we will choose to treat girls no matter how the girls behave, and maybe even teach some of these girls how they should want to be treated! My whole mindset has changed as I've been in prayer of how to respond the way that God would have me respond. I'm now grateful for this teaching opportunity for all three of my sons, and excited to see what God is going to do in each of my sons lives as we begin this new journey of learning.

I think this is a great opportunity to teach my young men about the possible woes of young women. My son didn't understand why it was wrong to text a girl back at 1 am to tell her "I got in trouble and I can't text you", so I had him look up and write out all the verses in Proverbs that gave warnings to a son about the "temptress". I explained that a temptress is "a woman who tempts someone to do something, usually an attractive woman who sets out to allure and seduce someone". He found quite a few verses, and reading them made me realize that I really need to teach our sons to beware of a particular Woman named Folly.

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn't know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men, going by who are minding their own business. "Come in with me", she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment she says, "Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret is the best!" But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave. Proverbs 9:13-18

O my son, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways. A prostitute is a dangerous trap; a promiscuous woman is as dangerous as falling into a narrow well. She hide and waits like a robber, eager to make more men unfaithful. Proverbs 23:26-28

I'm not saying that because a young lady is texting that late at night that she is like the woman named Folly of Proverbs. Actually, these verses helped me to realize that the woman is most likely named Folly because a young man wasn't taught how to treat that young woman. Women need young men that will show them how they deserve to be treated. There are women named Folly, because there are foolish men. There are foolish brothers, fathers, friends, and boyfriends that have not shown a woman that she deserves to be honored and cherished as a woman, and not treated as a sexual object. There are men that have objectified or abused the woman named Folly. My prayer is that I will have 3 sons that won't be a part of the reason a woman becomes a woman of folly.

I will teach my sons how to treat young ladies which entails; calling them at appropriate hours, how they talk to them, choosing to open the door for them, being a young man of their word, taking responsibility for bad choices, and having the young ladies best interest at heart. I will teach my sons that women are not to be objectified for their own pleasures, and to pursue their hearts and not their bodies. I will teach my sons that when they win their hearts, then they are to cherish it like a priceless but breakable treasure.

I will also teach my sons that they should be cautious of the immoral, promiscuous woman who tries to solicit them with their seductive, immodest dress, and flirtatious flattery. (Proverbs 5:1-23;7:1-27) When I think of a woman named Folly I can't help but think of the Carl's Jr. Super Bowl commercial model, in which that same model was unbelievably inappropriate on DWTS after saying she didn't want to be know just for her "boobs". There are so many women named Folly everywhere in our culture today!

Solomon wrote so many verses about such women in Proverbs because Solomon knew something about these kinds of women as he had over 700 wives and concubines. Solomon is said to have been very wise, and yet he fell into the trap of the seductive woman. Solomon is warning his sons because he knows what a great temptation this is for any young man, and he didn't have the greatest example from his father David who fell into the seductive power of Bathsheba bathing on the rooftop. Solomon definitely knows a few things about the power of a woman named Folly.

This has all brought up many questions about today's society. Is it old fashioned for the man to call the woman? Are we now in the age of the liberated woman that should be able to call a guy? How liberated is a woman if there are more rapes than ever, more women sold into sexual slavery, and more women sexually objectified than ever before? That's not my idea of liberation!! God created a woman with the desire for a man to pursue her heart, and God created a man with a desire to pursue. We have turned all the rules upside down, and how's that working out for us? 

God has an order to a relationship, and in Proverbs He's certainly warning that a woman named Folly will pursue them to seduce them. Does that mean that any woman that has called or pursued a man is doomed in their relationship, or that they are women of folly? No. With every rule there are some exceptions. It does mean that God has created order in a relationship with a man and a woman for our own good. 

...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

God knows the heart of a woman desires love. God tells the husband to love his wife, but then why doesn't he instruct the wife to love her husband? God knows the heart of a wife can not help but love her husband if the husband loves her as he loves himself (and even more profound is to love the wife like Christ loved the Church). God knows that a woman's weakness is respecting the husband, and thus His command is for her to respect knowing that is what meets the husband's desire of his heart. 

[The man] leads [the woman] onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own - a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts in leadership and delights in it (John Ensor, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

I love the analogy of dancing to illustrate how God has created the man and woman. God has wired the heart of a woman with the desire to be pursued, just as He has wired the heart of a man with the desire to pursue the woman. When a man pursues a woman's heart than he is proving that he is a godly man who will lead and love the woman well in marriage. A woman that allows a man to pursue her is showing that she is waiting on God, and she trust that God is truly the lover of her soul. 

The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man's way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. Proverbs 21:1-2

We think we know ourselves best, but really only the God who created us can know how He wired us. I was just reminded this weekend that God loves to put together amazing stories that showcase His power, His Love for us, His grace, and His glory! I'm going to continue to teach my 3 teenage sons that they should do it God's way, and then just sit back to watch God show off!!  

The Effectual Fervent Prayers of a Righteous Mom Availeth Much

As my first born child turns 16 in a few days, I'm reminded of how he's getting closer to leaving the nest. I have been asking myself what the greatest thing that I can do for him these next few years? I think of so many things like discipline, time, relationship, love, and tons of food. While those things are very important, they don't feel like the most important. I fail at all those things daily! I have made so many mistakes as a parent that it often makes me feel super inadequate as a Mom! 

I can't do this in my own strength, and it's my failures that cause me to realize that prayer is the most important thing I can do for my children!! We have a list of prayers we pray daily for our kids that hangs on Ken's mirror in the bathroom (that prayer list is below). Anytime I look in the mirror I see it and it reminds me to pray for my kids. My main prayer is that God would use all my inadequacies for His good. We have some cracks in our shower, and I think of prayer like the caulk my husband keeps using to fill in the cracks. I am ONLY a righteous Mom because I have been made right with God through Christ, and I'm free from guilt or sin because of his sacrifice for me on the cross. Praise God that I can go before Him directly to petition Him about my children!!

James 5:16King James Version (KJV) 

16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb my heart was so full of joy!! I had waited on God for 8 years to make my husband's heart ready for children, and the longer one waits for something the more the anticipation!! I prayed every day for my son when he was in the womb, and continually prayed for his health, his future, and the birth. My water broke at 12:30 am about 2 weeks early. I wasn't having contractions so we thought I had a lot of time. We got to the hospital about 2:30 am, which was after I took a bath, and we went by the ATM at the bank. When they checked me I was already dilated to a 6, and 80% effaced. They were rushing to get some IV's in me because I was a strep carrier. I really had no pain at all with the contractions, and I was peacefully sleeping with worship music going quietly. Caleb was born at 9:50 am, and was a beautiful perfectly healthy 7 lb. baby boy.

Later that night Caleb wouldn't breast feed, and they were supplementing with bottles. I was frustrated, but somewhat grateful to get some sleep. The following day we had a specialist come in to try to help with breast feeding. We tried everything but he still wouldn't so I fed him a bottle. He only took a little bit of formula but then began to spit up green stuff, and he began to chock and gag. We called for the nurse and by the time she came in we realized that it was bile, and he was beginning to turn blue. They rushed him to the nursery, and we felt so much anguish. We began to pray immediately for him to breath, as well as wisdom for the nurses and doctors to care for him. They immediately began to pump his stomach, but didn't know why he was spitting up bile. They did a Barium enema and found that his intestine was swollen. They thought it was a blockage. The doctor came in and told us that they were calling a specialist in from Children's to do surgery at 6 pm that night. I began to cry as my son was only 2 days old. We were so grateful that we had a pastor from our church there, and he began to pray with us.

The doctor from Children's got to our Hospital, and was about to prepare for surgery. They did another Barium enema and the swelling had gone down. They still were concerned that there was a blockage. We began to pray fervently, and we dedicated him right there to God! We thanked God for giving him to our care, but told God that Caleb was His, and we asked that he would release the blockage and restore his health. About 20 minutes before the surgery was scheduled Caleb filled his first diaper which was mostly meconium, and then filled 5 more diapers in 10 minutes. They saw his intestines looked normal so they weren't going to do surgery, but decided they wanted to keep him in NICU for observation, test, and to finish his round of antibiotics he had already started. Thank God the fervent prayers of a righteous Mom (and many other people) availeth much!!

There have been many times since Caleb's birth that left us with nothing else to do but pray. He has been "lost" or separated from us 3 times. One of those times I just heard about a few years ago, but I won't go there!! There is nothing as horrible as the feeling of losing your child. We lost him when he was 5 at the Fort Worth Zoo, when he walked off because he couldn't see us even though we were just a few feet away from him. We found him after about 15 minutes, but that was the scariest 15 minutes of my life. I once again gave him to God, and realized that God knew where Caleb was. I prayed that God would keep Caleb safe, as well as to give me wisdom to know where Caleb could be. We found him at the elephants, because that is the first place I knew he would go. God is faithful to hear the fervent prayers of a righteous Mom!!

He is now 16, and about to be driving!! He got a new truck for his birthday! I will be praying for his continual protection every time he gets in his new truck to drive. I also pray a blessing over my son, and give him continually to God. Ken and I often remind ourselves that God doesn't have grandchildren, and that our children are His! I know that the greatest thing I can do for my kids is to pray to their Heavenly Father, their Creator, and the One that loves them more than I even know is possible! I am so grateful that God is good, and He always hears the Effectual Fervent Prayers of a Righteous Mom!!

Why do the fervent prayers of a righteous man/woman/Mom/Father availeth much? It's not just any prayer, but one who is justified by the righteousness of Christ, and has the truth of grace in him, and lives soberly and righteously; not any prayer of a righteous man is of avail, but that which is "effectual, fervent"; that has power, and energy, and life in it; which is with the Spirit, and with the understanding, with the heart, even with a true heart, and in faith; and which is put up with fervency, and not in a cold, lukewarm, lifeless, formal, and customary way; it availeth much in that it has great value and worth. 

I pray that I would be a righteous Mom with effectual fervent prayers daily for my children! There really is nothing greater that I can do for them then to pray!!

SOME ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

I have 3 books I've read as a parent that have changed my life! Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp, and The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent. 

Scriptural PRAYERS to Pray for Your Children

1. That they will know Christ as Savior early in life. (Psalms 63:1, II Timothy 3:15)

2.  That they will have a hatred for sin. (Psalms 97:10)

3.  That they will be caught when guilty. (Psalms 119:71)

4.  That they will be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives:  spiritual, emotional, physical.  (John 17:15)

5.  That they will have a responsible attitude in all their interpersonal relationships. (Daniel 6:3)

6.  That they will respect those in authority over them. (Romans 13:1)

7.  That they will desire the right kind of friends and be protected from the wrong friends. (Proverbs 1:10-11)  

8.  That they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. (II Corinthians 6:14-17)

9.  That they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage.  (I Corinthians 6:18-20)

10. That they will learn to totally submit to God and actively resist Satan in all circumstances.  (James 4:7)

11.  That they will be single-hearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ. (Romans 12:1, 2)

12.  That they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people or wrong places and that the wrong people cannot find their way to them (Hosea 2:6)