For thus said the LORD of hosts, after his glory sent me to the nations who plundered you, for he who touches you touches the apple of his eye. Zechariah 2:8
One day watching a daytime talk show, I heard a song that changed everything for me. I didn't know how much until much later how my daughter had changed me. The song was sung by Martina McBride for some soldier's wives who were pregnant while their husbands were away:
In my daughter's eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes,
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter's eyes
This was the song that lead me to share with my husband a longing I had in my heart for a daughter, and how I prayed, fasted, and ached for it to go away with no avail. Let me go back and start from the beginning....
I was pregnant with my first child, and we decided not to find out the gender until birth. I was so excited to be having a baby!! I had waited 8 years for my husband to be ready to start having kids, and I was finally going to be a Mom. I wanted a boy first, because I really wanted my other children to have an older brother. I also had a bit of nervousness with having a boy first as my husband only wanted 2 kids, and with my whole heart I didn't want all boys and desired a daughter. There were several reasons for that, but the main one was being a preschool teacher I knew that more than one boy together meant constant rough housing. I longed to have a daughter, but for this first pregnancy I would be happy with a healthy baby! I guess losing my Mom in 1996 brought a deep desire for that kind of connection with another female again. I put away all those feelings of nervousness though and focused on having my very first baby. I had the most amazing baby shower three weeks before I was due at a Pregnancy Center, and the baby came early a few days later. It was a BOY!!
I was seriously the happiest I had ever been in my life. I LOVED being a Mom. My first baby was the best baby I could've asked for. He was colicky, but hardly ever cried. I just knew he was uncomfortable from his grunting. He did cry uncontrollably once, and I literally thought he was probably dying. He was such a happy baby, and laughed more than any baby I've ever seen. It was pure bliss! I was so smitten with him. We were planning on waiting a few years before having another one, but when Caleb was 5 months old I found out I was pregnant....with twins. My first instinct was panic mode, but when I saw my husband's reaction and he was happy seeing 2 little peanuts on the ultrasound screen I was relieved. I had wanted twins, but I was thinking it would be great to have a boy and a girl as twins first. Not in the plan to have them so close together to my first child for sure. I did become excited, but again nervous to find out what we were having. We found out it was twin boys, and I'm not going to deny my disappointment. I didn't understand God's plan as I really thought He would give me a girl. I had actually prayed to God that He wouldn't give me all boys, and I had wanted more than 2 so He gave me 3 but no girl. I didn't understand why? To make matters worse someone had told me they knew I would have all boys, and even said they had prayed for me to have all boys. WHAT?? Why would God listen to that prayer and not mine as I'm the one raising them. Why did God not listen to my heart's desire?
I began to focus on making sure the babies were healthy. We moved into a new house when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant, and I was on my hands and knees on the baseboards cleaning. Probably not the best idea with being pregnant with twins. It had to be done, and so I just did it. I went into premature labor when I was 27 weeks pregnant. I was put on bed rest for a week, and found out very quickly that doesn't work with a 10 month old at home. I went into the hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. That was actually a blessing as I was so big now that I couldn't fit into any of my maternity clothes from my first pregnancy. I had to wear 2 hospital gowns to cover up, one in the back and one in the front. I was so big that Caleb could stand on the bed straight up and lay his head on my tummy. I was cooking those babies. I was constantly hot, and everyone that came to see me would have to wear coats, scarves, and hats in my room. I finished my counseling internship hours and studied for my LPC license exam while in the hospital though. I learned how to knit, and watched lots of football during that time. The babies decided it was time to come 2 weeks later, and they were very premature so they were rushed to the NICU immediately. I only got to see them for a few seconds. Things were good for the first few weeks in the NICU for us, as everyday they were getting stronger. They were only on a ventilator for a short period.
Things turned bad very quickly when they were put into a separate room. Nathan was born first, but was smaller and the weakest. He was on oxygen and was mostly tube fed for many months. Things turned even worse when they moved to what they called an annex room. It was a room where each nurse had 4-5 babies to care for at a time. My son Noah came home at 5 weeks old, but Nathan would stay there for 7 more weeks of H###!! I won't go into all the details as they're not really relevant for now, but let's just say most of the staff made bonding EXTREMELY hard with my son Nathan. Don't get me wrong there are amazing nurses and I experienced them with my hospital stay, the beginning of them in NICU, and with my first son's birth. Most of these doctors and nurses though are given too many babies and did whatever was easier for them, and not best for Mommy & baby. It was like I was visiting a stranger. This made for many issues for both of us, but mostly for me as a Mother. I had severe postpartum depression as well, which made it even harder. Then, when it was time to take Nathan home I couldn't get the staff to help me or get a plan to bring him home. I had to do EVERYTHING, and almost get a nursing degree myself to learn what to do for him to come home. I devised a plan, and insisted they let us bring him home. I got the Kangaroo pump he needed for night feedings as he was still on a feeding tube and heart monitor to come home. The doctor agreed to let us take him home on Easter Sunday finally, but as he was leaving he told me that my son would be back in the ICU with failure to thrive within a few weeks. I told him that would happen over my dead body. That day, I personally made it my mission to do everything in my power to not let that happen. In my mind if that happened I would be an ultimate failure as a Mother. I know God put that in me to get my son to where he is today, but it came at a great cost to my personal sanity. My relationship with others suffered, and I became a total recluse. I became an extremely fearful person, and often had depression and anxiety. I lost a lot of hope that things would be as I had dreamed my life to be. It took a huge toll on my health as well.
I lost all hope that I'd have a daughter one day. Because of all I'd been through with the twins pregnancy and Nathan afterward my husband had a vasectomy, and said we were done having kids. He wouldn't even talk about it, or else it would end in an argument. I felt like I had lost a piece of me, and a little bit of my identity as a person. I didn't know who I was any more. I felt extremely lost as a person. I did pursue some of my dreams, but I really had no confidence in who I was. As I saw others having daughters, and felt like I had asked for bread and my heavenly Father gave me a stone instead. Why? I began to feel like I was being punished for something. I became angry at God, because I felt like I'd tried to do it right. I had waited until getting married to have children, and had waited to have children until my husband was ready. I was at a wedding one day, and God showed me how He had entrusted me to raise 3 godly men in my family. How prideful I had been to think I deserved anything more from God. God also showed me how at different times in my life I'd lost men, and in His love and mercy He was giving me 4 men who would love me unconditionally for the rest of my days on this Earth. I realized I should submit to His plan, and know that His plan is always for my good.
It was still hard as the desire was still there for the daughter. About a year later I decided to fast and pray for my heart to be in line with God's will. I prayed that if this was not God's will to have a daughter then He would remove the desire completely. I prayed and fasted for 30 days. On the 27th day I was in the bath tub, and I just began to earnestly seek God's will. I wanted to know what He wanted, His thoughts, and His plans. I cried out to Him and it was the verse that came to me.
Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:7-9
His thoughts were not my thoughts and His ways were not my ways, and they are so much higher than my thoughts and my ways. I laid my desires at His feet. I cried and grieved that I wouldn't have a daughter, and released my grief to Him. In a flash, I saw the face of a little girl running on a lush green grassy lawn. I pictured her face, and she looked Asian. In another flash I saw 4 things that had happened in the last month of praying and fasting. They all had to do with adoption, or something to do with Chinese children/adoption. I heard my Mom's voice in approval of adoption. I hadn't heard my Mom's voice for years. The details of everything that came to my mind would take too long, but it was amazing how many things had happened that month to point to international adoption in China. I was weeping as I heard God audibly in my head say "you will have a daughter from China".
For 2 years I questioned and prayed for God to move in Ken's heart. One day we moved into another house that had a 5th bedroom downstairs. Ken insisted we had a guest room downstairs in our house. We were moving Noah's crib into that room as we would occasionally put the boys in there to sleep. When we were moving the crib in Ken said he thought the room would make a great babies room. Out of nowhere he say that. Then, another day I got my furniture from when I was a little girl and moved it into that guest room, and Ken said how the furniture was great for the guest room but how cute it would be as a little girl's room. Wait, what? He acted like he didn't even know what he said either when I inquired about it. I knew it was God working in his heart. Now, I finally bring you to the song "In My Daughter's Eyes". I was doing some endless laundry watching a popular talk show at the time, when Martina started singing this song. I had NEVER heard it before and immediately I started crying. I could not stop crying!! I was doing the full on UGLY cry. Well, my husband was soon to come home and I couldn't shut off the spigot. I tried to think of funny things, and happy things. I tried to put drops in my eyes as they were red and extremely swollen. I could not stop the liquid from coming out of my eyes. I thought about just locking myself in the bedroom and tell my husband that I was putting a mask on my face or something. I knew he would think something was up. There was no hiding it when he got home. My face and eyes were red and puffy. I prayed God would stop my crying, but if not then He'd give me the words to say. I didn't want to get into an argument with my husband about this.
As soon as he came in the door he asked me what was wrong. I asked him, "If you had something that you were sad about every day, but you couldn't talk to your best friend about it, how would you feel?" He said, "that would be terrible". I told him that was how I felt, like I had this desire for a daughter and I couldn't talk to him about it. I told him about the song that I heard, and how it made me cry. I played it for him, and he could see why I was crying. He asked me what I wanted...because no way did he want to get a vasectomy reversal. I told him that I was open to adoption and asked him what he thought about it. He said he was open to it if it was what God wanted. I expressed that I didn't want it unless it was God's plan. We agreed we'd pray about it, and to ask God to show us His will. We prayed every night together. Two weeks later, my oldest son, who was 5 at the time, came to Ken and I separately and said "Mommy and Daddy, I've been thinking. I think we need a baby sister, and one that doesn't have a Mommy or a Daddy". What? I didn't say anything to Ken about it, but then I was out one night and Ken called me to ask me if I'd been talking to Caleb about adoption. I said "no way", and he told me what he said. I let him know that he had told me the same thing, but no way would I have said something to him because I didn't want him to think I was trying to manipulate him or our son. Ken was in tears when he realized it truly came from our son's heart. He knew that it was God that had put that in his heart and mouth. He asked me what we needed to do to make it happen and asked about the process. Funny thing, I just happened to have some information to show him...Wink...wink. Well, when we looked online at one of the agencies they had a meeting that next week just a few miles from our house.
I was praying that Ken and I would be on the same page for where we would adopt. I never told him I thought it was China. We went to the meeting and they gave information about all the international adoptions, timelines, and process for each as well as domestic adoptions. When we left that meeting, Ken looked at me totally sure and said "I think we should adopt from China". WHAT? But God...exactly 2 years later from that meeting our adoption was final for our daughter Chloe. That whole process was a journey for me to trust God's plan, and to trust that He works it ALL for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
One night, God woke me up the minute that Chloe was conceived in the middle of the night (but our process was supposed to be 6 months so I thought it was when she was born). He brought to mind that He formed her most inward parts, and I began to pray for her every part and formation. How crazy that I thought I was praying for her growing after birth, but really praying for her conception. God healed me from so much, as He showed me that He loved me and He chose me to be Chloe's Mom after searching all the women in the whole world. I waited all day for her packet to come with her referral. I was never so glad to see a Fed Ex man ever!! It was supposed to be here sometime before 7, and he got here at 7:05 PM. Way to make a woman wait!! I ran inside and scoured through every detail of the information. I wanted to know everything about our precious daughter. I was also looking for something I'd prayed for and that was anything that would show me she was specially chosen by God for us. I read through everything and nothing stood out as being specific to us. I went to bed and released it to God that He was in control, and knew that this was our daughter. I instantly fell in love with every little detail of her picture and knew she was mine!!
First picture I saw of Chloe in her referral.
I went to bed that night so excited and sleep was eluding me. I finally fell asleep, but something woke me up a few hours later. I felt something say to go look in the drawer of my childhood dresser. I went to look in the drawer and there was a receipt for the purchase of the bed and dresser from my childhood. The receipt was extremely old and couldn't read everything on it, but I could read the date my Mom bought it. It was October 22, 1972, which was 33 years before my daughter's birthday. I fell on my knees and wept! I praised God for His goodness. I praised God for His sovereignty that He knew 33 years earlier this was my daughter! How amazing is God! You see this furniture also has a story. My Mom bought this furniture for my sister and I when we first moved from Fort Worth to Lake Jackson, TX. My Mom was suddenly a single Mom of 4 kids, when I was 3 years old. She was praying for God's provision. She went into a furniture store and saw this furniture and wanted us to have it, but she couldn't afford it. She left that day, but couldn't stop thinking about it. She had just enough money that was to pay insurance for the month, but it was the same as the amount for the furniture. She went back to the store to see about a lay away or something to get the furniture. When she looked on the back of the dresser there was a poem. It was the poem she recited when she won in UIL:
Trees by Joyce Kilmer
I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
When she saw that poem on the back of the furniture she knew that God was our provider. She used the money from the insurance to buy the furniture, and she got some unexpected money that week to pay for the insurance as well. God was the same God to my Mom that day, and now the same God to me to show me that He was my Jehovah Jireh! That also made my Mom such a huge part of the story to have a daughter. God had heard all the cries of my heart down to the details. The details of my heart to know my Mom was a part of it, and how happy she would be to have this precious child as her granddaughter.
God is no respecter of men! What He has done for me, He will do for you. All He requires is trust and obedience. I would encourage others to prayerfully consider adoption. It is amazing the blessings that come from it! It is not something I would do without seeking Him. I wouldn't even want to try to do it without Him. It's like marriage in that I wouldn't want to marry without His blessing, as we're choosing who will be a member of our family for the rest of our lives.
One of the first things I noticed about Chloe's picture above was her precious feet. We tried to reenact that picture a little here when I told her I wanted to "see her cute feet".
You can read the rest of the story about our journey to get Chloe in my first blog, with the link here.
A few years after we got Chloe we went to Washington D.C., and we were at a Michael W. Smith concert on the National mall. It was spring time and someone came and offered us a kite to fly, we were having a picnic on the ground. My husband and I were watching the kids running with the kite, with the lush green lawn. Hearing worship music in the background. I snapped a picture of Chloe running and it was then that it hit me. This was the face that I had seen in my vision when God had shown me we would adopt a little girl from China. This was the exact one, and here she was running on the National Mall. My worship that day was deeper that ever before for His goodness!! All I can say is I sought God with all my heart, and I found Him one day sitting in the bath tub of bubbles.
Picture of Chloe running on lush green lawn in Washington D.C.
You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
I found God through a lens looking into my daughter's eyes. My daughter's eyes are not like mine as they are brown and almond shape, while mine are hazel and round, but in them I see exactly who God called me to be. In her eyes, I see that she is the best part of me. I personally wouldn't have chosen this journey, but being on it I wouldn't change it for the world!! I sure do love my 3 boys so much, and couldn't be more blessed that God gave them to me. My heart is truly full though with love for my daughter and my heart fills with hope when I look in her eyes!!
Chloe in her orphanage.
Chloe's referral page.
Chloe with her referral.
Chloe & Mommy in China where we had first gotten her meeting with Directors of orphanage.
Chloe with her favorite blanket she carried everywhere.
Chloe & Mommy on our 1st cruise.
Chloe on our 1st Cruise.
Chloe as flower girl at our vow renewal.
Chloe at my cousins wedding.
Chloe at her first gymnastics class.
Chloe & I at my Counseling Conference she always went with me.
Riding a horse at Family Camp.
Chloe's first day of preschool.
Getting pictures taken together yearly for Gotcha Day.
Chloe LOVES to fish with her Daddy.
Chloe doing a choir performance as an 80's rock star.
Chloe with our 1st dog Winston that she misses very much.
Chloe for Easter.
Chloe loves her puppy Maggie. She takes great care of her.
Chloe loves hip hop.
Chloe 1st dance recital.
Chloe at her baptism.
My beautiful ballerina.
Chloe dancing in vow renewal for members of our church.
Chloe's first year of cheer.
Chloe loves to cheer.
Chloe as a dancer in a vow renewal.
Chloe starting 4th grade in 2016.
Chloe with her 3 brother, Caleb, Nathan & Noah.
Chloe loves to play the piano & taught herself.
We went to a country dancing & concert.
Mother's Day picnic 2017.
Chloe and I were both born in the year of the Rooster.
I should've probably named this blog "Confessions of a homeschool Mom". In part 1 I explained over a year ago how I came to homeschool kicking and screaming. You can read my blog from part 1 here. I was literally wrestling with God until I finally submitted to Him. We are now in the last semester of our 8th year of homeschooling. This is the year where my first homeschool student is graduating!! How could this be?
This last year I've had 3 people who have decided to homeschool one or all of their kids contact me to ask my advice. I really feel pretty inadequate to give advice about homeschooling in many respects, but mostly because I'm not one of those parents that dreamed of homeschooling their kids all their lives. I was the one that would wake up in a sweat from a nightmare about doing homework with my kids, and that barely changed right before the very second of entering into this homeschool gig came along. I didn't spend hours scouring the internet for ways to teach my kids at home. I couldn't tell you the first thing about curriculum for homeschooling when I first started. We were so lucky to have entered into this homeschooling realm through a back door means where the curriculum was already established on a home study path thanks to Willow Bend Academy. It was our saving grace for 2 years, but it finally came to the point that we were called to do this whole thing on our own. However, I do feel like God has laid some thoughts on my heart for those who do struggle with feeling like there is no way they could ever do homeschooling because of the reasons I listed in part 1, and I want to share them with anyone who is struggling with it.
1) No one is better to instruct/teach your children then you are. There are many wonderful teachers out there, but even they don't always have the knowledge of how to teach every child. All children are different, and no one knows that better than a child's own parents. He doesn't call the equipped, but equips the called. Teachers have a lot of trial and error when they first start teaching to find their best methods of teaching, and it's ok if there is some trial and error for you as well. God has called all parents to teach and instruct their own children whether they are in a public, private, or homeschool situation. Whatever your choice for your children, PLEASE don't just leave it up to teachers, schools, churches or anyone else to teach your children DILIGENTLY!
2) As wonderful as many teachers are, schools are set up with a worldly system in mind where the majority of what your child is learning is from other children his own age. God established for older men and older women to take children and young people under their wings for teaching and instruction. To have 1 adult in a room with 20+ students all of the same age to try to teach them secular curriculum is NOT Biblical teaching. The church has structured teaching this way as well, and it's not in any way Biblical!!
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
3) What is the number one complaint of teachers about children in the classroom? It's usually talking and disruption. What is the number one complaint about children being homeschooled? It's usually how they won't be socialized. See the problem? Homeschooling has changed immensely as there are many opportunities for socialization, but usually what people mean by that is they won't be conformed into what their age group says is acceptable. Let's just be real about it. Refer to verse above.
4) The Bible is very clear that children need lots of time with their parents throughout the day to teach them these laws diligently, "speaking of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." Deuteronomy 11:19 If we think our kids need time away from us, it's only because we really want our own time away.
5) Homeschooling is stressful, but so is EVERY aspect of parenting. We were spending more time and more stress on their homework then we've ever had with homeschool. There really is nothing more stressful about homeschooling then the total stress of parenting children. We just have to be careful to schedule times away and breaks. It is harder when they're younger, but once they're proficient in reading and writing it really is so much less stressful then any homework we ever did when they were in school.
6) I am able to work from home with homeschooling, and my husband works a lot from home as well. We've really had to work through that system of having us all in the home, but it is such a blessing to get to spend so much time together.
7) Homeschooling is CRAZY according to the world, but we are not to be of this world.
Jesus' prayer for the disciples was...."I am not asking that You take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:16
I was fearful of what people would say when we started, and VERY fearful that they wouldn't be accepted to college for their future plans. Well, now people are calling to ask me about how to do this homeschooling thing, and my oldest just got his acceptance letter to college. God's sovereign hand has lead him to go to somewhere we never even thought of for college. He's been accepted into a brand new program at Oklahoma Baptist University for Digital Arts and Animation. God has opened that door in miraculous ways. When we get his scholarship information I will share all about that in a future blog.
When God calls us to something He will equip us, and when He brings us to something He will bring us through it. He has not brought us through it without some major struggles, but on the other side of it there are abundant blessings as we saw a child failing become a young man thriving! Again, this is NOT a blog about convincing everyone to homeschool. It's to encourage those who are against it to support others who choose to do it, and to encourage those who don't think they could EVER do it KNOW that they can. Most of all, this about EVERY parent faithfully executing their responsibility to teach their children TRUTH and not abdicating that responsibility to any other agent of learning. When you signed up to be a parent you automatically signed up to be their main teacher for life. Whether they go to a public school, private school, or homeschool they are your responsibility and yours alone. This is a PLEA to all parents to teach your children DILIGENTLY in the home whether you want to or not!!
Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9
We are finally at the end of the longest and worst political season of my lifetime. It has caused me continually to examine how we got to this place. I've done sincere introspection on what I've said & done over my life, and who I've supported politically. Everything I've ever believed the last 30 years has come into question. I've done more research on the history of the pro-life movement, conservative politicians, and the GOP then ever before. I have strongly believed for last 30 years that one political party was immoral, and that blinded me to follow "the true lesser of two evils". The veils have been removed from my eyes to see that there are three lies of the past 30+ years. First is that morality cannot be legislated, second is that "church" leaders have moral authority, and third is that GOP has moral superiority.
Morality is what defines a society, and it is the principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and evil. Many say that we can't legislate morality, but of course we make laws every day based on what is right and wrong (morality). The question is always who says what is right or wrong, and how a society determines what is in the best interest of the society as a whole. We have become a society where truth is relative, and only the politically correct social justice warriors determine what is right from wrong. It's the secularist that make up our government right now, and where does their morality come from? What guides our morals as believers in Jesus Christ though? Does our morality define our politics or our politics define our morality? We must be guided by the Bible alone. Our society is falling apart just as the Bible has predicted, because we've lost the idea that #MoralityMatters. We've seen so many hashtags that try to state whose life matters more or less. No life can truly matter if there is no morality guiding our decisions & our character. Whether it's the life of the unborn, the life of those killed in mass shootings, or those on death row.
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and for the gospel will save it. What does it profit (matter) a man to gain the wholeworld, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Mark 8:35-37
First lie that I have believed is that morality cannot be legislated. Irony is that there is a quote by MLK Jr. saying this very thing.
Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart, but they can restrain the heartless. Martin Luther King Jr.
Does this mean that I believe MLK Jr. was lying? Quite the contrary as I quote him quite often. I believe his premise is right in that it's our behavior that is regulated more than our hearts. I think he's talking about individual's morality, but when we look at the fact that morals are principles that guide what is right & wrong as a whole for society, then it is the legislation that creates morality in how we behave. Legislation created by man teaches us just as the law of God does that we are sinners who need our behavior regulated.
So the Law became our guardian to lead us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. Galatians 3:24
We can take the civil war as an example of morality being legislated. Many in the South were fighting for their right to have immoral law of slavery in their states. When they were defeated, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed it was no longer moral to have slavery in our Nation. He gave the emancipation proclamation to proclaim that January 1, 1863. Hearts didn't change, but the principle that all men were created equal said that all men were free and this is who we are as a whole NATION. The Thirteenth Amendment was passed and ratified almost exactly 3 years later. Slavery is now understood to be evil and those who say otherwise are now shamed. I know we are still not a perfect people in understanding that ALL men are created equal, but for this example we have abolished slavery as a popular government sanctioned institution. I pray one day in my lifetime that the genocide of abortion would no longer be a popular government sanctioned institution as well!
Second lie that I've believed all my adult life is that the "Church" & it's leaders have moral authority. I've often listened to them, & referred to them in order to make moral decisions. When I say "Church", I'm talking about it in a more general sense rather than those I choose as spiritual authority at my local church. I've listened to James Dobson for how to raise children, Rick Warren on how to live my life with purpose, and Joyce Meyers on how to win the battle over my mind. I reached for their books before I reached for the Bible to guide me. I'm not saying these are bad outright, but they are when we look to them as our moral authority, especially before the Bible. The Bible alone is our moral authority on every subject, and there is no moral authority that supersedes that!
There is a part B to the second lie, and that is that the "Church" at large is the moral authority of our society. The sad part is the "Church" has ceased to play a part in determining what is right and wrong altogether. We can blame society, hollywood or many other factors for that, but ultimately the church bears full responsibility for our society's moral decay. There was the judgmental church in the 60's, greedy televangelist in 80's, the seeker-sensitive church in 90's, and the complacent prosperity preaching gospel today. The church has lost it's relevance in the culture today, and this election is but a symptom of how the church has lost it's way. The "Church" has become about prosperity and building great buildings rather than building the Kingdom of God. We are but a stain on our society rather than that city on a hill. We have lost our first love of Christ & His Word. The "Church" is more fearful of losing the ability to say "Merry Christmas", and it's tax status that it is about souls going to Hell!
God and His Word are our soul authority, and we need to stop screaming for a king as we already have the King of Kings, His Word, & the Holy Spirit to guide us, protect us, and LEAD us. We act like we're still waiting for our Savior & crying out like the Jews did for a strong political CONQUEROR! Our FEAR is big, and our god is small to the watching WORLD. We are more fearful of a political figure than we are of standing before OUR righteous Creator!
The third and final lie that I've believed over the years is that the GOP is morally superior. I have believed this because the Democrats are the ones that support unlimited abortion, and don't have the family values. What really solidified their moral deficiency for me was when they booed God in their platform, and Jerusalem as the capitol of Israel. I really thought they were morally corrupt at that point, and I was just like Jonah waiting for the fire and brimstone to come down on their Convention. This political season has caused me to have a serious examination of everything I've known to be true about morality and politics. I've been undone. I've been introspective and reflective of EVERYTHING I've believed and stood for. What I've found through researching, introspection, and reflection has removed all veils from my eyes. I've been extremely repentant for my haughty attitude. I've discovered that in fact the GOP as a whole is just as morally reprehensible as the Democrats, but they're in fact liars and hypocrites.
The GOP is just as much about revisionist history as they scream that the Democrats are on civil rights. They in fact are the PARTY that has been pro-abortionist while pandering to the pro-life movement. By the way, you are not pro-life if you stick a bumper sticker on your car, have babies, and vote for Republicans. If you haven't worked to help save a life, working at Pregnancy Centers, donated, or have worked to pass legislation then you are nothing but a poser! I challenge everyone to look up who wrote the majority decision for Roe vs. Wade, and for a similar decision Doe vs. Bolton. GOP had the majority to overturn Roe vs. Wade, but didn't do it in Planned Parenthood vs. Casey. Look them up for yourself in the links provided. There were 5 out of 7 who were Republican nominees in the Roe vs. Wade decision. It was a Republican nominee that wrote the majority decision and even Ginsburg says was a horribly written decision.
Roe, I believe would have been more acceptable as a judicial decision if it had not gone beyond a ruling on the extreme statute before the Court...Heavy-handed judicial intervention was difficult to justify and appears to have provoked, not resolved, conflict. - Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court
In this election season you'll have to forgive me if I don't adhere to the crisis of the SCOTUS, and that it's the GOP candidate that alone can save us. They have no morally superior authority on their own much less to believe a pathological liar they allowed to be the nominee will actually do what he says he will do. Where was that crisis in the primary? Especially after Scalia died? No, I'm sorry if I don't fall in line to the pandering once more. No party has any moral superiority, especially that has shown a disdain for believers to tell us the truth about their morally apprehensible past.
Only One person is morally superior, only one book has moral authority, and there is only one way for us get back to a moral society, and that is to submit to both. Our feelings, our hopes, and our dreams don't matter when we are seeking what matters morally, and only character and truth matter in selecting a moral leader. There is only one dream we all should have and that is where Martin Luther King Jr. had it exactly right. A dream that our children....
will one day live in a Nation where they will be not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. -Martin Luther King Jr. Aug. 28, 1963
It's hard watching you struggle with a loss in football, especially when your loss is so bad on the score board. I usually don't know what to say as I've always seen losing as so awful!! I don't like to lose, and I know you don't like to lose either. It is disheartening, and makes you feel demoralized. I watched it in your face, and it breaks my heart. I know there are so many questions in your minds that are there as we drove 5 hours to get to Midland, wait out a thunderstorm only to feel so defeated. It is so discouraging and disappointing! I was praying and petitioning that the Lord would push back the storm so you could play, and then prayed that He would help you to win. Why did He push back the storm for you to just be so disappointed by another loss? This is what I was asking the Lord on the long drive home at 4 AM. Then something amazing happened....
I went to pick you up from the bus where you were sitting on the curb waiting for me, and I was overwhelmed watching all 3 of you get in the car so demoralized and tired! I thought it was going to be an awful ride home, and what do I say or will it just be awkward silence. The lesson that all 3 of you taught me was that losing isn't for losers!! The conversation on the way home was reflective in nature on what happened, and what to do better for the FUTURE! Not one time did you discuss giving up. Losing is when you give up!! Losing is when you call it quits!! Losing is when you don't do any self reflection of the good and the bad. You didn't just look at either the good or the bad, but talked about what you each did well and what you each did bad. I was reminded of a warrior who loses a battle to come back and fight another day!! The battle is in the mind. It also reminded me of a verse in Micah:
But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me. Micah 7:7-8
I thought about a similar season we had the first year you played football where you lost all but one of your games. We played for another organization at the time that was about winning at all cost! We had to end up forfeiting half of the season because they put our team. which was mostly 6th & 7th grade kids against Juniors. We had 4 major injuries that game, and one major concussion. That too was a long bus ride home mostly mad we were put into such a position. What happened the following year was a miracle season when we started a new football association, and we went 9-0 for our first season with an average of 36 points and not one team was able to score on us. We never expected it, and that's what made it so great! Watching you 3 play football is such a lesson in winning & losing! This is the ups and downs of life, but the goal is to NEVER give up & NEVER give in!! To play the game fair, remain humble in winning or losing, learn from both winning and losing, & always give praise and glory to God almighty!!
When I watch you training for football (just like someone who runs a marathon) it takes such discipline of our bodies, often what our bodies can't do naturally without serious training. You have to build stamina, strength, and agility daily to tolerate what your bodies go through on the field. You have to discipline yourselves in your pads & helmets for your bodies to tolerate it. Even after losing you're ready to go back to do it more the following week is amazing stuff. Such discipline isn't for losers!!
Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27
Any loser can quit when the chips are down, and anybody can keep going to practice for more practices and games when they're winning. But it takes a real fighter and competitor to keep working to discipline their body after such a huge loss. I used to be the parent that was so impressed by your wins and I'll admit that, but I now know that you're way more impressive when you lose!! I'm proud of all 3 of you!!
With that being said, my prayer is that you always walk humbly with your God whether in a loss or win. He's given you all of your abilities and all Glory goes to Him.
He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
Our 30 year relationship is now over! It's been over for a while, but I just didn't want to admit it. Don't worry it's not me, it's YOU!! I'm done with your abuse. I'm done hearing how much you love me every time you need money, someone to canvass, someone to vote for you, but then you turn around and you whine and dine someone else! It's only a take relationship for you, and pretty abusive for me. You went too far this time, and you were complicit in letting the bully abuse me! Yes, he did abuse me! He abused me as a woman when he said who would vote for that face, he abused me when he mocked a candidate's wife's looks, he abused me with 9 tweets including some about being a bimbo and crazy! I had tolerated your mistreatment of me for too many years. So I guess I should thank you as you finally helped me get out of this toxic relationship by bringing the bully into the relationship that actually told me he doesn't need me or want me. At least the truth is out!!
I'm a Christian well-educated white woman, and a conservative from the suburbs. I'm the kind of woman you can't win without me voting for you!! I defended you that you did love women, all the while you were disregarding me. I was told I shouldn't love you as a woman, but I defended you anyway. Now you allowed the bully in that is the caricature of everything they said you were and how you were treating me, and I can finally see the light! They were right that you didn't care about me! You now think women should be punished, you now think women should be forced to serve in military, you now believe men should be in women's bathrooms, you hired the man who owns a strip club, you hired the man who calls women bimbos, you hired the man who supports rapist, had multiple affairs & wives, and was accused of raping his first wife.
I've given to you, worked hard for you, made phone calls, walked, passed out flyers, put up signs, and shown you nothing but loyalty and love. You've been a taker, and you've not kept your promises. You told me you loved me and wanted me, but now I know it was only to use me to get what you wanted!! I'm done, it's over, we're through!!
Don't call me, don't text me, don't write me, because it's really over!! I'm going to try to find a healthy relationship in another party even if they're not as big and fancy as you. I'll find one that appreciates me! Good bye!
Had a great morning heading to the airport from Dallas to Cleveland with a beautiful but hot day. I got to the airport waiting for my flight, and heard a familiar voice of a man with a thick accent talking about Proverbs 14 starting in verse 2 saying that we have to know how important these times are....
Proverbs 14King James Version (KJV)14 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.2 He that walketh in his uprightness feareth the Lord: but he that is perverse in his ways despiseth him.3 In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.4 Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.6 A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth.7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.8 The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit.9 Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.10 The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.11 The house of the wicked shall be overthrown: but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish.12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.14 The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.15 The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.16 A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.18 The simple inherit folly: but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.19 The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.20 The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends.21 He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.22 Do they not err that devise evil? but mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good.23 In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury.24 The crown of the wise is their riches: but the foolishness of fools is folly.25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.26 In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.28 In the multitude of people is the king's honour: but in the want of people is the destruction of the prince.29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.31 He that oppresseth the poor reproacheth his Maker: but he that honoureth him hath mercy on the poor.32 The wicked is driven away in his wickedness: but the righteous hath hope in his death.33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.34 Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people.35 The king's favour is toward a wise servant: but his wrath is against him that causeth shame.
I looked up and it was Rafael Cruz, who is Ted Cruz's father. He was talking to some other women and then they called for our flight so I didn't get to talk to him. We got on the airplane and he was sitting right in front of me and across in the aisle. I was getting settled and heard him talking again about another verse he was quoting from memory in Genesis. He was reading the Bible the whole flight and When we landed I finally told him "Thank you for raising such an amazing man who knows the Constitution and the Bible, and I was sorry we didn't get him as the nominee". He said he was going to continue the fight. I really wanted to get a picture together with him, but it was too crowded and we were all getting off the plane. I know that he probably thought I was a stalker as I tried several times to get close again, but each time he was getting his bags or talking to someone. I also wish I could've just prayed for him.
When I went down to baggage claim there were hundreds of people each stopping me to ask if I needed help or directions. I asked one where the shuttle to get to the hotel was and they gave me directions. I then found where I was to meet my shuttle to the hotel and walking out saw heavy security where there were the big guns that all liberals are scared of. When I was walking out saw quite a few police cars and a K-9 unit. Heavy security at the airport!! It was fun to meet lots of delegates and alternate delegates waiting for my shuttle, and there were a lot from New Mexico. They were all excited to see each other, and there seems to be a real camaraderie among the delegates.
At airport you could see the K-9 unit
I found my shuttle and went to meet my new roomie for the next few days Mary. I met a new friend for the first time at the hotel, and we then talked for several hours. Boy did we have a lot to talk about. We then got information about a strategy meeting for Delegates Unbound where they were having dinner. We met them at a DoubleTree hotel restaurant and met quite a few people with the group. We told them we would help and volunteer in any way that we could. We really enjoyed meeting Josiah who was with the Cruz campaign and I had met him in SC when I was there doing canvassing.
There were a lot of media people there interviewing the Delegates Unbound coordinators.
We ate dinner and then headed out to do a live feed on Facebook in front of the convention center. While we were doing the live feed a newscaster for the ABC 5 Eyewitness news in Cleveland asked us for an interview. He heard us say we were with Never Trump and Delegates Unbound. He asked us what we hoped to accomplish and if we thought it would help Hillary. If I find that interview I'll post it for you, but we do have my first FB live feed.
We saw lots of police presence and tried to thank as many officers as we could. I told them we were praying for their safety this week. Please pray for everyone's safety this week!! We walked around more and then headed back to the hotel as it was a pretty eventful day and Monday holds a lot of things going on as Monday morning was an effort to try to get enough signatures of delegates from 7 states. Information about that strategy is on this website if you click on what's highlighted.
Stay tuned for more to come later today, and follow me on my Facebook page to get more updates.
