Why I Didn't Want To Homeschool, Part 1

I started writing this blog several months ago on Leeper Day, which is a day that we celebrate Homeschooling becoming fully legal in Texas. It celebrates the Texas Supreme Court decision of Leeper vs. Arlington ISD from June 9, 1994. This was a long fight that many fought to get it legal to control the education of our children in whatever parents see fit, including homeschooling. I was not one that was there fighting for homeschooling at the time, and probably was the opposite of helping to fight for it. I wasn't fighting against it for everyone to do it, even though I thought in my heart it was a bad idea for everyone, especially for me and my kids. That is why it's so amazing that I homeschool all 4 of my kids today.

We just started our 7th year of homeschooling this past Monday. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I have threatened many times to send them to public school, and have come very close a few times. It is the hardest thing and the most rewarding thing all at the same time. We've gone from strange looks by many when we tell them we homeschool all our kids to now hearing many young adults tell us they wish they would have had the same opportunities. What I've learned through all of our struggles is that God has issued us as the authority over our children's education, and spiritual instruction and guidance. However our children are being educated, our responsibility and accountability does not end when we drop them off at church or school!

And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 11:19

Recognizing that God has called you to function as his agent defines your task as a parent. Our culture has reduced parenting to providing care. Parents often see the task in these narrow terms. The child must have food, clothes, a bed, and some quality time. 

In sharp contrast to such a weak view, God has called you to a more profound task than being only a care-provider. You shepherd your child in God's behalf. The task God has given you is not one that can be conveniently scheduled. It is a pervasive task. Training and shepherding are going on whenever you are with you children. Whether waking, walking, talking or resting, you must be involved in helping your child to understand life, himself, and his needs from a biblical perspective (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). - Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart

We have always tried to gear our kids education towards them and their needs, but found that our kids are square pegs that just didn't fit in the round holes of today's modern institutionalized education system. Our oldest is in 11th grade now, and we've prayed for several years that they would be able to do a dual credit course their junior and senior year. So he just started last week doing an online dual credit course at Liberty University where he will have 30 college credits when he graduates high school. He is thriving in this environment! I thought I would share a little about how we got here, as I came to homeschooling kicking and screaming!

I've always believed in education as our most important responsibility as parents, but mostly to move to the right school district and what teachers they would have rather than the actual participation of it. Here are the things I thought about the education of my kids:

1) Teachers are better equipped for teaching our own kids than we are. They don't want to listen to us, and teachers are educated for that.

2) Schools are set up to instruct kids the best.

3) Kids need to be socialized, and have all the opportunities for the extra curricular activities.

4) Kids need that time of separation from their parents, as that much time together just drives each other crazy. (This was mostly wanting my time away)

5) One of us would end up dead or I would end up bald, as I don't have enough patience to teach my kids.

6) It's just stupid to put that much pressure on all of us when I could be working, and they could be making friends and learning more.

7) It's CRAZY!! People who homeschool aren't right in the head!! (Sorry fellow homeschoolers, but just keeping it real.) I'm a counselor and have had clients tell me they homeschool many times, and I just prayed that I didn't have the "you're crazy face" going when they said it.

So how did I go from all of these thoughts of "I will NEVER homeschool, Uh-UH, no way", to actually homeschooling all of mine for going on 7 years now? Well, it was a long hard road that God took us down to where that literally was the only option we had left. My oldest son started Kindergarten at our local public school in our neighborhood. He had not really talked until he was 3 and so we had tried to put him in different programs for preschool to help him with speech and occupational therapy. I waited a year to put him in just to make sure he could be successful in Kindergarten. I sent him off to school anticipating a great year at our neighborhood elementary school as I had heard many great things, and we knew some of the teachers. It started out great for the first 3 weeks, but they had an interim teacher until they could find a permanent one. I sure wish they could have kept the interim one, because it was a whole lot of bad after the new teacher started. My son was being bullied at school, and the teacher refused to address it. Every time I tried to talk to the teacher she was very negative about my son, and even though I thought she was hard on him I would still address what my son needed to work on and talk to him about it.

This went on for several months, and the bullying got worse. I had witnessed many instances and so I know he wasn't making it up. When the teacher wouldn't address it then I went to the principal. The teacher told the principal that "she didn't need to teach, and if it got too hard she could just quit". What? That's how that meeting went, which wasn't well at all. Nothing got better, and so we withdrew him for the next semester. I took him to a Montessori school for the rest of that year, and it wasn't ideal because they put him with 1st graders and technically he didn't get to graduate as a kindergartener. It was the only choice we had as I couldn't get him into any Christian schools in the middle of the year. We were convinced by others to apply to a very large Christian school where we went to church at the time. I was very hesitant as he had been rejected already for their preschool program, but Ken wanted them to go there.

Most of my hesitancy was that they wouldn't be accepted so we were very happy when they did get into the school, and all 3 of mine at the time started there the following Fall. It started out pretty good and promising. We did have to meet with the teachers a lot about 2 of our sons, but they really seemed to be working well with us and the boys.

After the first month that all changed, and it really got bad when we left for China to get our daughter. We came home to some real issues, and we were called in for a meeting with the Assistant Principal. They had my oldest son's teacher there, the P.E. teacher, and the special ed teacher as well. They were very concerned about my son, but it wasn't really behavioral or even academics. They did think he needed to be in a class where he would get some special help with some of his work, and that was fine. What they said next shocked us though!! They told us they were most concerned that our son couldn't catch a ball in P.E. He struggled in Math, was fine in most other subjects, and excelled in many subjects like reading, but they were MOST concerned about his gross motor skills. They wanted us to take him to an occupational therapist (which we had taken him to until he was 3 1/2). We were paying an absorbent amount of money to send all 3 kids to this private school to get this great education, and now they're telling us we need to pay more to get him additional help. I will pay anything for my kids to get what they needed, but we were already all but mortgaging our house to pay for this school that was supposed to be so GREAT for our son.

I had to leave that meeting as I was pretty upset, and it was mostly the tone they gave especially as Ken was leaving they told him "If you don't do these things than we won't be able to help your son any more, do you understand what we are saying?" Ken told them "I understand perfectly". They were telling us that if we didn't do this than our son couldn't go there.

We left there and immediately began to call a school that a friend of ours had continually talked about where his kids had gone. We called and set up a meeting that afternoon. We went to a small little school that had a country feel to it. We realized we had tried to fit square pegs into a round hole. Our other kids weren't doing well either, but one was behavior issues that weren't being addressed and the other was just falling through the cracks as he did just enough to get by. We started at that school right after Christmas break and loved it for 3 years. It wasn't perfect (as no school is), but they did help my kids that first semester to get caught up with their curriculum and stayed afterward to help them with their cursive writing and math. We really did thank God for giving us that place especially for that time right after we left so wounded from the large Christian school, and just wanted for our kids to feel loved somewhere. It was great for our kids also as they had an after school program where my son got some help with his throwing and catching. They also had a soccer program they would participate in after school.

We did have our ups and downs at this school for the next 2 years, but it was just normal stuff teachers and parents have to work through. Our son Nathan had the most amazing teacher the following year. He is the one that has had the most behavior issues, and he got the Diligence award that year. We were so shocked, but so was Nathan. His teacher just really knew how to handle him, and he really respected her.

The last year was when the disaster happened at that school and everything turned for the worst. There was a huge turnover in the school and the principal was not working with us, as well as the teachers like they had before. Our oldest was failing Math, and then we found out the last day of school that he broke both of his wrist. No one from the school called us, and we were extremely upset. I won't go into all the details as it's extensive what happened with our other son Nathan, but the relationship with the teacher had deteriorated as we put both the twins in one class for the second semester. It was an awful mistake! We found out 2 weeks before school started for the next year that they were having only 1 teacher for the twin's grade, and it was the same teacher moving up. There was no way possible that would work so we began to look at other Christian schools, except none were an option for one reason or another.

We had been going to a church where there was a founder of a school with a home study path. That was where they would do the work at home and just take the test at the school. After much prayer, we decided that was the best option. Actually, that was our only option. So they began doing the home study. It was extremely hard at first, but as the boys got used to it they really did well. We now just started our 7th year of homeschool, and have been on a pure homeschool path several years where they take all their test and do their work at home. So grateful that God took us slowly down this homeschool path. God has blessed us with great organizations like TACA where the boys play Football, and Chloe cheers. There is so much support for homeschoolers now with great curriculum, co-eds, and support groups. I have met the greatest group of people through our homeschooling organizations, and no group of people have had greater positive influence on my kids!

I wasn't in the fight for homeschool in 1994 during the time of the Leeper case! I was in a different fight, and on the wrong side of it. A few years after Ken and I got married as a young 20 year old, I got into a discussion with a friend about Christian school verses Public school. Neither of us had kids at the time, and the discussion got pretty heated. I really felt like if we took all the Christians out of the public school then we wouldn't have anyone to minister and be "light" in the public schools. She was adamant that we can't "sacrifice" our kids in schools that are so much against God. The point of this blog is not to tell anyone they should go to public, Christian, or homeschool. I realize that both my friend and I were wrong! We should continually pray for where God would have us send our kids.

Our fight for our kids is not physical, but a spiritual fight for the soul of each child. Each child has unique gifts, personalities, and issues. Our spiritual fight is for them, and the only way to fight it is on our knees.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

The fight for our kids souls starts with the place they spend the most amount of time from age 5-18, and that's where they will do their learning. The problem is that we just assume that we only have one option whether it's public school, private school, or homeschool. God will make a way for what is best for our kids, as He doesn't have grandkids. He loves our children more than we could ever imagine! I'm so grateful that God showed me personally what was best for my kids despite my own stubbornness. He is so faithful, even when we are faithless!

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He cannot deny Himself. 2 Timothy 2:13