Fifty Shades of Silver

In 5 months my husband and I will be celebrating our Silver anniversary. Being a wife for almost 25 years, as well as being someone who does marriage counseling I believe I have a little perspective on why women over 35 are flocking to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I was never planning on blogging about it, but as I was praying one day about what to write I saw a great post that talked about the dangerous message it sends to girls and it talked about how all girls want to be the apple of their father's eye. It really struck a cord with me, so I then began to pray for the women that are flocking to see this movie to seek some fantasy only to find that it leaves them more empty in the end! How do I know that? I know that because statistically speaking I should be one of those women flocking to that theater. I'm one of those that didn't have a father, and was sometimes a latchkey child as my Mom would work. 

I sought out attention from boys and men as a teen. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, but I wanted to feel loved and wanted by a male. I was very lucky though that I had a Grandfather, brothers, and male father figures at my church that gave me appropriate attention so that I did have some understanding that male attention did not have to mean sexually. It was the abandonment feelings of my father and other males though that often left me feeling unwanted and unlovable. Wanting love and affirmation, I gave my heart completely at the tender age of 14 to an older guy, but got words and actions that only left my heart completely broken. 

When I left for college I became focused on my goals of becoming a counselor, and decided I was warding off boys forever. It was the first week of college and I was hanging out in the game room with some of my new friends. I saw my future husband for the first time from across the room, he was very cute, but not at all who I would normally date. We were all talking in a group, but we never introduced ourselves officially that night. 

Then, my first class on the first day of college I walked into my speech class and he was sitting next to a mutual friend (more like acquaintance since I only met him a couple of times), and so I ended up sitting next to Ken. We said "hi" and smiled at each other, but then I started talking across him to our mutual friend. I had told our mutual friend that my name was April May June, and he believed me. As the teacher called our names she called my maiden name April Patton, and before I could answer he was arguing with the teacher. Well, that started some note writing back and forth, in which I wrote something in Ken's book to our mutual friend what would now be considered very politically incorrect to call someone. So he set out to prove me wrong, asked me to go for a ride in his white Cobra Mustang and kissed me before we even had an official date. I would say the rest is history, but it actually isn't. 

The next few years consisted of some very confusing years of dating and breaking up. I never officially dated anyone else during that time, but we both did have times of going out with other people. He was very flirtatious with other girls, and cocky with all the guys. His lack of attention on me set me straight that I didn't want to get serious with anyone unless I knew that we were going to get married one day. I began to pray for the man God had and make a mental check list of all the characteristics of godly men that I knew that I wanted my future husband to have. 

Job 22:25  Then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver.

Proverbs 25:11  A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

In honor of our silver anniversary and since it stands in stark contrast to the character Christian Grey, I am calling my check list fifty shades of silver. These are the things I prayed that the man I married would be...

1. A man that loved God first.
2. A man that loved me second.
3. A man who sought the truth.
4. A man who loved God's Word.
5. A man who would pray with me.
6. A man that cared for others, and himself. (I didn't want a self-lover or a self-loather.)
7. A man that was goal-oriented toward the future, but not at the expense of people.
8. A man that was teachable.
9. A man that had no problem making and keeping commitments.
10. A man who was gentle.
11. A man who was kind.
12. A man who was not afraid to admit he was wrong.
13. A man who sought out wise counsel from others.
14. A man who saw me at my worst, and still loved me.
15. A man who was quick to forgive.
16. A man who was patient.
17. A man who wasn't afraid to tell me every day that he loved me.
18. A man who trusted in God.
19. A man who could make me laugh.
20. A man who was financially responsible.
21. A man who was generous.
22. A man who believed in tithing to God.
23. A man who loved life, and enjoyed it.
24. A man who thought I was beautiful and would tell me.
25. A man who loved music.
26. A man who would open the door for me.
27. A man who was affectionate.
28. A man who carefully chose his friends.
29. A man who never sought to purposefully hurt me.
30. A man who was not jealous. 
31. A man who listened well before speaking.
32. A man who would treat my heart like a piece of fine china.
33. A man who would support my dreams.
34. A man who would seek to do what I like to do, because it makes me happy.
35. A man who wasn't afraid to do traditional women's roles.
36. A man who would never tire of kissing me.
37. A man who would seek to know all the desires of my heart.
38. A man who would seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
39. A man who loved children.
40. A man who loved to minister together.
41. A man who would seek to be one flesh more than sexual fulfillment. 
42. A man who would not be complacent about our relationship.
43. A man who would not yell, put down, manipulate or try to intimidate me.
44. A man who is honest.
45. A man who seeks after purity.
46. A man who always wants to let me know he's thinking of me throughout the day.
47. A man who will answer my calls at work (and I only call when necessary).
48. A man who seeks to protect me mentally, physically, and spiritually.
49. A man who provides for me and his family. 
50. A man who loved dogs. (I just had to add that because I really wanted a dog.)

Ken had a few of these characteristics while we were dating that first year and a half. Something happened to ME that summer after Ken graduated as he was getting ready to go to Law School. I began to question if we would make it when he went off to school as we would not get to see each other with our schedules. I was starting my Junior year at Dallas Baptist University as a dorm director, and he was going to Oklahoma City University. I wanted to know if we were just waisting our time waiting to be together or if we were meant to be. When Ken talked about Law School he openly said he wanted to make money. He had a love for nice cars. I loved that he was so ambitious, and I had accepted that he would get upset if I even leaned up against his car. 

Something shifted in me and my prayers. I began to pray that if this was the man that God would have me marry then I would be the right wife that would make him want to be all of those things. I began to change, and then I began to see him change as well. How can we expect to pray for someone to be what we want when we haven't prayed that we would be what they need?

I had to go home to Lake Jackson for the rest of the summer because my job fell through in Dallas, and when I came back for school he had already left for law school. I was feeling like we weren't going to make it, and I was starting to think we should break up. One day I started to think if it was God's will for us to be together then maybe it wasn't God's will for Ken to be in Law School, because it was just too hard to be away from each other that long. I had heard a sermon on specific prayers and how we are to pray for God's will either way. I began to pray that if it wasn't God's will for Ken to be in Law School that he would show him; that he wouldn't like the studying, he wouldn't like the campus, he wouldn't like the people, he wouldn't like his classes, and God would shut the door. I also began to pray that if it was God's will He would make it clear; that he would do well, that he would love the campus, and people, etc. He called me about a week later and told me that he was so miserable, and how much he hated everything! I couldn't believe what he was saying, because he had planned on going to Law School since he was 16 years old. I continued to pray. He would call me every couple of days to tell me the same thing. 

One day I woke up at about 5:30 am with the urge to pray, and I prayed until I had to be somewhere that morning to help with Freshman orientation. As I was about to walk out the double doors from my dorm a friend told me she just saw Ken. I thought she was joking, but when I walked through the doors he was standing there. We had not seen each other for a month so we were both so glad to see each other. He looked so tired and jaded though. I had to go and so did he to take his roommate home (as he just woke his roommate up and told him he was going home if he wanted to come), but he said he would be back and that we had to talk. When he came back later that afternoon he was helping me carry my big trunk to my room, and he said he didn't know what to do as he hated it and he missed me so much. He told me he lost his grant money and he didn't want to take out a loan to add any debt. I didn't know what to say.

Ken asked me what he should do, and I asked him if he had prayed about it. He said he had been praying about it, but never sought if it was God's will. I asked him if he thought God would give him peace and provide if it was His will. He knew that moment that he wasn't going back. He asked me for my Bible, and he told me that he had woken up that morning around 5:30 am. He said that God brought him to 1 Corinthians 13, and he knew that he wanted to show me that kind of love. He said he knew after reading the Bible and praying that he wanted to marry me, and he packed his bags to come home to ask me. He actually got on both knees by the bed while he read 1 Corinthians 13 to me, and then he asked me to marry him. I knew that God had answered my prayers right there and that God was making him that kind of man I wanted to marry. He sought God above all others, and put aside his own desires to show me a sacrificial love!!

You might still be wondering what this has to do with the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. I've been told that people who try to find counterfeit money don't study the counterfeit but instead they study very carefully what real money looks like. I'm not here to tell you all about why Fifty Shades of Grey is so bad, but to show you the real thing so if you even see the horrible trailer of the movie you can see the contrast and that you will know for yourself that it's all a BIG counterfeit for true love and "romance". The counterfeit will always leave you feeling empty eventually, but real love will leave you forever feeling loved, accepted, and fulfilled. How do I know? Because I've seen both counterfeit and real love not only in my personal life but in the couples that come to me for counseling! 

Philippians 2:2  Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Real love only comes from God who is LOVE, and the counterfeit always comes from the devil. 

1 Peter 5:8  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

Grey is a color that comes from merging black and white together, but silver is a costly precious metal that comes from refining out all the impurities. There is no grey when it comes to what constitutes real love and what is counterfeit. I pray that each of you will find for yourselves what true love means, and that you will NEVER fall for the counterfeit. I can only thank God for the Real love that He has given to my husband and I for the last 25 years!!

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-love-25-awesome-scripture-quotes/#ixzz3S43cE6js