Why I Didn't Want To Homeschool, Part 1

I started writing this blog several months ago on Leeper Day, which is a day that we celebrate Homeschooling becoming fully legal in Texas. It celebrates the Texas Supreme Court decision of Leeper vs. Arlington ISD from June 9, 1994. This was a long fight that many fought to get it legal to control the education of our children in whatever parents see fit, including homeschooling. I was not one that was there fighting for homeschooling at the time, and probably was the opposite of helping to fight for it. I wasn't fighting against it for everyone to do it, even though I thought in my heart it was a bad idea for everyone, especially for me and my kids. That is why it's so amazing that I homeschool all 4 of my kids today.

We just started our 7th year of homeschooling this past Monday. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I have threatened many times to send them to public school, and have come very close a few times. It is the hardest thing and the most rewarding thing all at the same time. We've gone from strange looks by many when we tell them we homeschool all our kids to now hearing many young adults tell us they wish they would have had the same opportunities. What I've learned through all of our struggles is that God has issued us as the authority over our children's education, and spiritual instruction and guidance. However our children are being educated, our responsibility and accountability does not end when we drop them off at church or school!

And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 11:19

Recognizing that God has called you to function as his agent defines your task as a parent. Our culture has reduced parenting to providing care. Parents often see the task in these narrow terms. The child must have food, clothes, a bed, and some quality time. 

In sharp contrast to such a weak view, God has called you to a more profound task than being only a care-provider. You shepherd your child in God's behalf. The task God has given you is not one that can be conveniently scheduled. It is a pervasive task. Training and shepherding are going on whenever you are with you children. Whether waking, walking, talking or resting, you must be involved in helping your child to understand life, himself, and his needs from a biblical perspective (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). - Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart

We have always tried to gear our kids education towards them and their needs, but found that our kids are square pegs that just didn't fit in the round holes of today's modern institutionalized education system. Our oldest is in 11th grade now, and we've prayed for several years that they would be able to do a dual credit course their junior and senior year. So he just started last week doing an online dual credit course at Liberty University where he will have 30 college credits when he graduates high school. He is thriving in this environment! I thought I would share a little about how we got here, as I came to homeschooling kicking and screaming!

I've always believed in education as our most important responsibility as parents, but mostly to move to the right school district and what teachers they would have rather than the actual participation of it. Here are the things I thought about the education of my kids:

1) Teachers are better equipped for teaching our own kids than we are. They don't want to listen to us, and teachers are educated for that.

2) Schools are set up to instruct kids the best.

3) Kids need to be socialized, and have all the opportunities for the extra curricular activities.

4) Kids need that time of separation from their parents, as that much time together just drives each other crazy. (This was mostly wanting my time away)

5) One of us would end up dead or I would end up bald, as I don't have enough patience to teach my kids.

6) It's just stupid to put that much pressure on all of us when I could be working, and they could be making friends and learning more.

7) It's CRAZY!! People who homeschool aren't right in the head!! (Sorry fellow homeschoolers, but just keeping it real.) I'm a counselor and have had clients tell me they homeschool many times, and I just prayed that I didn't have the "you're crazy face" going when they said it.

So how did I go from all of these thoughts of "I will NEVER homeschool, Uh-UH, no way", to actually homeschooling all of mine for going on 7 years now? Well, it was a long hard road that God took us down to where that literally was the only option we had left. My oldest son started Kindergarten at our local public school in our neighborhood. He had not really talked until he was 3 and so we had tried to put him in different programs for preschool to help him with speech and occupational therapy. I waited a year to put him in just to make sure he could be successful in Kindergarten. I sent him off to school anticipating a great year at our neighborhood elementary school as I had heard many great things, and we knew some of the teachers. It started out great for the first 3 weeks, but they had an interim teacher until they could find a permanent one. I sure wish they could have kept the interim one, because it was a whole lot of bad after the new teacher started. My son was being bullied at school, and the teacher refused to address it. Every time I tried to talk to the teacher she was very negative about my son, and even though I thought she was hard on him I would still address what my son needed to work on and talk to him about it.

This went on for several months, and the bullying got worse. I had witnessed many instances and so I know he wasn't making it up. When the teacher wouldn't address it then I went to the principal. The teacher told the principal that "she didn't need to teach, and if it got too hard she could just quit". What? That's how that meeting went, which wasn't well at all. Nothing got better, and so we withdrew him for the next semester. I took him to a Montessori school for the rest of that year, and it wasn't ideal because they put him with 1st graders and technically he didn't get to graduate as a kindergartener. It was the only choice we had as I couldn't get him into any Christian schools in the middle of the year. We were convinced by others to apply to a very large Christian school where we went to church at the time. I was very hesitant as he had been rejected already for their preschool program, but Ken wanted them to go there.

Most of my hesitancy was that they wouldn't be accepted so we were very happy when they did get into the school, and all 3 of mine at the time started there the following Fall. It started out pretty good and promising. We did have to meet with the teachers a lot about 2 of our sons, but they really seemed to be working well with us and the boys.

After the first month that all changed, and it really got bad when we left for China to get our daughter. We came home to some real issues, and we were called in for a meeting with the Assistant Principal. They had my oldest son's teacher there, the P.E. teacher, and the special ed teacher as well. They were very concerned about my son, but it wasn't really behavioral or even academics. They did think he needed to be in a class where he would get some special help with some of his work, and that was fine. What they said next shocked us though!! They told us they were most concerned that our son couldn't catch a ball in P.E. He struggled in Math, was fine in most other subjects, and excelled in many subjects like reading, but they were MOST concerned about his gross motor skills. They wanted us to take him to an occupational therapist (which we had taken him to until he was 3 1/2). We were paying an absorbent amount of money to send all 3 kids to this private school to get this great education, and now they're telling us we need to pay more to get him additional help. I will pay anything for my kids to get what they needed, but we were already all but mortgaging our house to pay for this school that was supposed to be so GREAT for our son.

I had to leave that meeting as I was pretty upset, and it was mostly the tone they gave especially as Ken was leaving they told him "If you don't do these things than we won't be able to help your son any more, do you understand what we are saying?" Ken told them "I understand perfectly". They were telling us that if we didn't do this than our son couldn't go there.

We left there and immediately began to call a school that a friend of ours had continually talked about where his kids had gone. We called and set up a meeting that afternoon. We went to a small little school that had a country feel to it. We realized we had tried to fit square pegs into a round hole. Our other kids weren't doing well either, but one was behavior issues that weren't being addressed and the other was just falling through the cracks as he did just enough to get by. We started at that school right after Christmas break and loved it for 3 years. It wasn't perfect (as no school is), but they did help my kids that first semester to get caught up with their curriculum and stayed afterward to help them with their cursive writing and math. We really did thank God for giving us that place especially for that time right after we left so wounded from the large Christian school, and just wanted for our kids to feel loved somewhere. It was great for our kids also as they had an after school program where my son got some help with his throwing and catching. They also had a soccer program they would participate in after school.

We did have our ups and downs at this school for the next 2 years, but it was just normal stuff teachers and parents have to work through. Our son Nathan had the most amazing teacher the following year. He is the one that has had the most behavior issues, and he got the Diligence award that year. We were so shocked, but so was Nathan. His teacher just really knew how to handle him, and he really respected her.

The last year was when the disaster happened at that school and everything turned for the worst. There was a huge turnover in the school and the principal was not working with us, as well as the teachers like they had before. Our oldest was failing Math, and then we found out the last day of school that he broke both of his wrist. No one from the school called us, and we were extremely upset. I won't go into all the details as it's extensive what happened with our other son Nathan, but the relationship with the teacher had deteriorated as we put both the twins in one class for the second semester. It was an awful mistake! We found out 2 weeks before school started for the next year that they were having only 1 teacher for the twin's grade, and it was the same teacher moving up. There was no way possible that would work so we began to look at other Christian schools, except none were an option for one reason or another.

We had been going to a church where there was a founder of a school with a home study path. That was where they would do the work at home and just take the test at the school. After much prayer, we decided that was the best option. Actually, that was our only option. So they began doing the home study. It was extremely hard at first, but as the boys got used to it they really did well. We now just started our 7th year of homeschool, and have been on a pure homeschool path several years where they take all their test and do their work at home. So grateful that God took us slowly down this homeschool path. God has blessed us with great organizations like TACA where the boys play Football, and Chloe cheers. There is so much support for homeschoolers now with great curriculum, co-eds, and support groups. I have met the greatest group of people through our homeschooling organizations, and no group of people have had greater positive influence on my kids!

I wasn't in the fight for homeschool in 1994 during the time of the Leeper case! I was in a different fight, and on the wrong side of it. A few years after Ken and I got married as a young 20 year old, I got into a discussion with a friend about Christian school verses Public school. Neither of us had kids at the time, and the discussion got pretty heated. I really felt like if we took all the Christians out of the public school then we wouldn't have anyone to minister and be "light" in the public schools. She was adamant that we can't "sacrifice" our kids in schools that are so much against God. The point of this blog is not to tell anyone they should go to public, Christian, or homeschool. I realize that both my friend and I were wrong! We should continually pray for where God would have us send our kids.

Our fight for our kids is not physical, but a spiritual fight for the soul of each child. Each child has unique gifts, personalities, and issues. Our spiritual fight is for them, and the only way to fight it is on our knees.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

The fight for our kids souls starts with the place they spend the most amount of time from age 5-18, and that's where they will do their learning. The problem is that we just assume that we only have one option whether it's public school, private school, or homeschool. God will make a way for what is best for our kids, as He doesn't have grandkids. He loves our children more than we could ever imagine! I'm so grateful that God showed me personally what was best for my kids despite my own stubbornness. He is so faithful, even when we are faithless!

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He cannot deny Himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

God Gave Me a Wink

Have you ever had something happen that you felt like was God winking at you? Has something happened to you that you know there is no way that it could just be a coincidence, because it was such a specific answer to pray, or such an extraordinary thing that you say "what are the possible chances of that just happening". Did you ever get a wink as a kid from a Mom, Dad, Granddad, Grandma, or close friend that you loved and it you understood that it just meant they were thinking about you? Have you ever seen in a movie where someone gives a wink to someone out in an audience out of everyone there they were looking and thinking of them?

Well, I think God gives us these sometimes. I call them God-winks, because it's just like He gives you a little wink to remind you that He loves you and that He's thinking about you. Usually they come at times that I'm really fervently praying about something, but every so often they just happen so random. It seems to me that He gives them to me the most when I'm uncertain or struggling, and just need to feel He's listening and in control of what's going on around me! It blows my mind to think that the Creator of all of the universe would take the time to give me a little wink! This time it was when I didn't really know that I needed assurance because I didn't feel like I was struggling with any uncertainties. Now that I look at it though I know that I really needed a God-wink, and so grateful He gave me this one!

I didn't realize that I have really been struggling with fears about my relationship with my daughter Chloe. Even though Chloe is adopted, I have often had to remind myself that I didn't give birth to her.   As she's growing older, I worry that she would one day not consider me to be her Mom. I've read or heard stories where adopted kids grow up to think there was always a missing piece.  I will tell you that my life makes way more sense with my daughter than without her, and she's the exact piece that was always missing for me. I just sometimes doubt that she would always feel the same way!

God just winked at me last night. He just gave me a message to stop being insecure or uncertain about who's daughter she is, because she was intended for me from the beginning of time. I'm assured once again that He ordained it! I tell her all the time that she wasn't born in my womb, but she was born in my heart! There have been many ways throughout the years that God has revealed that she's the exact one that He chose for me, and maybe I'll share them another time. Right now I just want to share the one that happened last night. I was going through some pictures last night to post for our 25th anniversary. I came out of the office to show a picture to Ken, and Chloe followed me back to see what I was doing. She started going through all of our photo albums, while commenting, laughing, and asking tons of questions. She came to a picture of our first dog named Sam. It was a picture with the date we first got him. Chloe said, "Oh, you got Sam the same day as my gotcha day". I looked at it and sure enough we had gotten him November 6, 1993. I thought that was really cool and we moved on.

After she started asking me more questions though I remembered how I had told my Mom that we got a dog. I called my Mom on the phone and told her, "Mom, you're not going to believe it, we adopted a baby boy today." She was so excited and before I could tell her it was a dog she was crying and in the most excited voice saying, "I didn't know you were even thinking of adopting that's so amazing". I did finally tell her and she wasn't very happy with me at that point. I know it's a silly story, but years later after my Mom had passed away we had the 3 boys. I was yearning for a little girl, but Ken wasn't open at all to any more children. I finally decided to pray and fast, and released my desire for a little girl to God. I released my thoughts and ways to Him knowing that His thoughts and ways were greater than mine.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

As soon as I quoted that verse and released it God showed me that we were going to adopt from China. I literally told God that was not possible since my Mom wasn't here to tell so she would never know and I couldn't adopt knowing that I could never hear her response. (I know God loves how I question Him right after I just said His ways were greater than mine, so good thing His faithfulness is not based on my faith). Right at that moment I heard her voice in my head from that day that I told her we had adopted the dog, and I had not heard her voice in my head for many years. God used adopting the dog that day to confirm that we would adopt, and here was Chloe telling me that was the same day I called my Mom to tell her we adopted the dog, and the same date of her Gotcha day 12 years later. That was a God-wink if I've ever seen one.

The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

I like to call them winks, but some might call it God smiling on us. I think I'm theologically sound, but it doesn't really matter what you call it. ;)  The phrase lift up His countenance biblically means "to lift up the eyes to look at someone with great regard and tender interest". I love to see God-winks in my life, and to hear them in other's lives as well. May the Lord of all the Universe wink at you, and give you peace today!

While the Church Was Sleeping

While the Church was sleeping the Supreme Court just made Same-Sex relationships equal to what God created between Men and Women in marriage. While the Church was entertaining it's youth, the youth of our nation began to see that homosexuals looked just like the people in the church. They saw that homosexuals were nice, seemed committed, and just as in "love" as the couples in church. This happened while the Church was tickling ears, trying to be socially relevant, being seeker-sensitive, talking about social justice, and making Jesus look like a weak-minded man that was separate from God's character. While the Church was acting like a place where only the happy apply, and not the hurting, the world was the hospital for the sick, and dying.

Am I speaking too much truth for you and you think we shouldn't talk against the church? Well, that's nothing! While the Church was sleeping with other men and women besides their husbands or wives, the world saw that the Church was in the World AND OF IT!

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgement, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. Romans 12:1-3

I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. John 17:15-19

Many are talking about how awful the court ruling is and blaming the Supreme Court, but the Church wants to look outward and not inward for what has happened in this country. I've been in 5 churches in the last 24 years, and everyone of them but 1 have had Pastors that have had affairs. One of those we never officially joined, but that Pastor had an affair and committed suicide several years after we left. The other church I will talk about in a future blog post, but I will say that it was all about social justice and had leaders that taught the first 6 chapters of Genesis weren't true. Many have said they're so upset with how others talk about the Bride of Christ, but weren't the Epistles written to the churches and isn't Revelation about warnings to the future churches? The problem is the Bride of Christ has left it's first love, and aren't preparing for the BrideGroom to come!!

I've made quite a list of problems with the church, and want to address them here:

1) The Church has been entertaining it's youth. What is the world about? The world is about entertaining youth, and feeding their flesh. The world knows that if they have the mind of our youth, then they have their mind as adults.  We are putting them together with other youth, using the same music and entertainment as the world, and hoping for the best. Meanwhile, the youth have seen that the Church looks a lot like the world, and really don't have a need for it. We have set the bar so low for our youth, and congratulations Church they've reached it! What was the message from Paul to Timothy, the young Pastor he had left in Ephesus, and had been a disciple of Paul from the age of probably around 16?

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. 1 Timothy 4:12-13

2) The Church has been tickling ears for generations. They've been playing the Cheers theme song, yes literally I heard that song played in a church. They've been preaching and teaching what people have wanted to hear, instead of what they needed to hear. They have married many couples who are living together without any counsel to how that goes against what God's best is for marriage, and relationships. What does God think when people who get a divorce are isolated and the Church just throws them out? Why throw them out when you didn't teach that fornication is wrong in the first place, and it's the church that made allowance for sin to take root? Then the Church wonders why the world considers it hypocrites today!

Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn way their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:2-5

3) The Church has been trying to be socially relevant, but ultimately rendering themselves irrelevant. They've been trying to fit evolution into Genesis for years (because of the fear of what the world will say), and trying to water down the verses on sin including adultery and homosexuality. They have brought the world into the Church, with the most popular cultural things like popular songs, movies, etc. Those outside of the church have been using the talking points of the Church for years to make the case for sin!! We have rendered the Bible irrelevant if the first 6 chapters of the Book of Genesis aren't true, than how can any of it be trusted? Jesus Himself quoted directly from Genesis. It wasn't any different back then either, as He was actually responding to a "trick question" by the Pharisees about divorce.

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? (capital letters are not my own emphasis, but NASB) Matthew 19:3-5

4) The Church has been seeker-sensitive, which is basically the same as tickling ears, but it's just focusing the tickling to try to reach a certain social class or demographic group of people. Many of the churches in the mid '90's were geared toward the Baby Boomers, in order to try to get them back to church. The prosperity gospel is focused to reach the poor/middle class, and black liberation theology is focused toward blacks. Many churches went as far as to remove anything offensive like crosses from the church. The cross is offensive to us ALL, as it reminds us of the brutal punishment we deserved for our sin!

But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, long-suffering, charity, patience, persecutions, afflictions, which came unto me at Antioch, and Iconium, at Lystra; what persecutions I endured: but out of them all the Lord delivered me. Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived. But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2 Timothy 3: 10-17

5) The Church has been preaching about social justice, which many aren't aware that it's the code word for the Government's redistribution of wealth. How many people are always talking about Separation of Church & State that actually is not found in our Constitution? Well, this is a way to get into the Church through the back door to have a State run Church. Jesus was extremely clear about this when He said to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's. It is the work of God through the church to the poor, and not the work of the Government. We whine about giving to the Church though, and see the government as worthy of our tithes and offerings (while the church has used the tithes for bigger buildings rather than the poor). We have set up the Government as an idol that will rescue us rather than God as our provider and protector! That brings me to the Church asking for permission from the Government to be tax-exempt, by applying for 501c3. A church doesn't have to have a 501c3 status to be tax-exempt, and they shouldn't because then they are under the rule of the government as to what they can and can't teach or preach. All a church has to do is say they have a congregation that follows a religious doctrine, baptize people, marry people, and perform funeral services to be tax-exempt.

6) The Church has been making Jesus look like a weak man that just went around spreading a message for us to love everyone. We have become a red letter Church that only listens to the Words of Jesus, teaching that He was different and separate from God. There are other's that just teach the first 5 books of the Bible as well, but even that isn't as dangerous as taking only the Words of Jesus as truth and not looking at the fullness of God's Word. Jesus quoted the Old Testament over and over again. He also was the very character of God that is taught throughout the Old and New Testament. Have you ever heard those outside the Church say that Jesus never talked about homosexuality? How do you think they got that argument?

And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as a human word, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is indeed at work in you who believe. 1 Thessalonians 2:13

If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him, and have seen Him. Philip said to Him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been so long with you, and yet you have not come to know Me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, 'Show us the Father'? John 14:7-9

7) The Church has been a place where only the happy shall apply. We have condemned the grieving (well allowed to grieve for a designated amount of time), the depressed, the hurting, and ultimately the lost. We have condemned those who use anti-depressants without having anything to offer instead but "I'll pray for you". While we are called to be a real hospital for the wounded soul, we are actually the ones that are doing the wounding. We have condemned birth control without giving any alternatives, especially not being there when they have multiple kids. This is where a real rebuke comes to the church!! We have been the ones that have wounded, as thousands of those who have been sexually abused haven't gotten the apology they needed, haven't gotten the help they needed, many times have been the ones that are blamed for the abuse, and they haven't disciplined the perpetrators like the Church needed to do! Many who are promiscuous today or have homosexual tendencies are this way because of the abuse that took place by many ministers or members of the Church!

So that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. 1 Corinthians 12:25-26

How can the Church turn this around?:

1) Repent - All Churches, which includes all the members of the Bride of Christ has been a part of this either directly or indirectly! Therefore, don't look at the person next to you at church or the minister on the pulpit when you think of who needs to repent. We must all repent for what we have said, or haven't said that has contributed to the destruction of TRUTH!!

I know you're still saying you didn't do anything wrong, but did you have any type of sexual relationship before marriage, have you seen any porn (which includes anyone nude and having sex on a computer, or TV), did you have an abortion, have you not forgiven others, have you been a glutton, have you gossiped, or have you flirted or thought of others sexually other than your husband or wife? Most of all we have ALL been silent about abuses that have gone on in the Church! This is why the Church looks exactly like the World, and who needs the Church when it's just like the World. The World seems much more loving because it doesn't condemn you for your sin!

And My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place. For now I have chosen and consecrated this house that My name may be there forever, and My eyes and My heart will be there perpetually. 2 Chronicles 7:14-16 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10

2) Teach the unadulterated word of God, and be ready to be persecuted for it! Do it unapologetically, and be a student yourself of God's Word and Truth! Don't rely on the Pastor to give you meat, but if your pastor isn't giving you meat then change Pastors. I'm going to step on a lot of toes, but believe me I know this by experience 5 times over. If your Pastor is a story teller, than he's not a pastor. If your Pastor is a figure head, then he's not your pastor. If your Pastor is a public motivational speaker, then he's not a pastor. If your Pastor is on a large screen, but untouchable to you then he's not a pastor.

The word pastor means shepherd, and a shepherd can't help his sheep on a large screen. A Shepherd is with his sheep to lead and guide them through the dangers the sheep may face. We do have the Lord as our ultimate Shepherd, so don't get me wrong that they aren't to replace the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit in our lives. If you have a man or woman that stands up at the front of a building or on a large screen and only teaches/preaches topically about the Bible, but doesn't teach expository or exegesis in which they explain theology text by text of the written word of God then find another Church! If you can't find such a church, then pray about if you should start a home Bible Study/church with families of like minds! You will never grow in the fullness of Christ through topical only teaching!

If your Pastor talks about how many members it has as a good thing, then run! Find a church that is about growing it's members deep, and not wide!

Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. 1 Timothy 5:17

Remind them of these things, and solemnly charge them in the presence of God not to wrangle about words, which is useless and leads to the ruin of the hearers. Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness. 2 Timothy 2:14-16

3) Pray without ceasing! How much do we talk before we pray? How much do we try to find other solutions before we pray? Pray first, then second, and then third. Pray because "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" Ephesians 6:12. I read something the other day that said we can't expect God to show up in schools when we kicked him out for 50 years, or something to that effect. I think this is so wrong, because it's the fact that we haven't asked Him into the Church is the REAL problem! We must invite God to come and work in our church on a "without ceasing" basis!

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

4) Parents of the CHURCH, don't leave the teaching up to the church, schools, VBS, or any other institution to teach your kids the truth of the Bible! Teach them continually about the truths of God's Word in every activity that you do and make time for devotionals in your home even if they are just once or twice a week! Pray with your children and for your children, and live it out for them to the best that you can! Pray about who will teach your kids, and where they will be educated! That includes where they would go to college or even if they should go to college as not all need to go to college to use what God has given them. It's about continual education, and we need to instill that into our children!

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4:9 

Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:19

5) Don't be discouraged! See this as an opportunity to stand for righteousness, and for the world to really see that the Church is willing to stand even through persecution. The Church of the United States of America is really not even able to compare it's persecution with what is going on with Christians around the world today! Stand up for the persecuted church in every part, as when one part of the Church is persecuted the entire church is persecuted! Give your business to those who are willing to stand up for Truth wherever you find the opportunity! Prayerfully find ways to share the Gospel with boldness! Whether that is through giving tracts, giving Bibles, and giving to other ministries that share the gospel. Let's MAKE the world our mission field again, which includes the hard mission fields. Let's be the first to love the unloveable, and standing up for the defenseless. Whatever we do as the Church let's do it for the Lord! Whether it's playing sports, preaching, giving, parenting, teaching, or whatever we are doing let's give Him all the Glory!

Haven't I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colossians 3:16-17

I know the title is "While the Church was sleeping", but actually it would have been better had we just had a sleeping church. What we've had in many cases is worse than sleeping, as we've had a hurtful, unforgiving, idol worshipping, and irrelevant Church. If we choose not to repent, and follow these other things than the best wish we can ask and pray for our future generations is to have a sleeping church!

Do We Really Believe in Amazing Grace or Not?

I have read multiple articles regarding the Josh Duggar sex scandal, and all I keep thinking of is the song Amazing Grace. I am shocked and devastated that such things can happen in a Christian family, and then I'm shocked by how shocked I am. Then I'm shocked by how it's being used in the media, and then even more shocked by the self-righteousness of others saying they've never done such horrible things. What is most shocking is that they are shocked by a family that has worked through sin talking about how horrible sin is. We can see in the story of King David the result of not addressing sin because of guilt of his own past sin. It seems Christians are so fearful of what the world thinks, when this is a perfect example we can show the world of how sin is addressed.

The bottom line is that we shouldn't be shocked at all, and Christians show our total lack of true belief as the body of Christ in three important messages of the gospel. 1) We are all sinners. 2) Christ death, burial, and resurrection is sufficient for all sin. 3) God judges the heart while we judge behaviors, and they don't always equate.

First, I want to say that what Josh Duggar did is horrible, terrible, awful, hurtful, painful, depraved, wretched, and any other word that can denote the worst thing possible. Also, in his words they were "inexcusable". I would never try to downplay what those who suffered went through, and pray for their healing as it was harmful and hurtful. My heart breaks for them. They also are the ones that are the most hurt by the public release of this information that should have never been made public. The one that is also hurt by what Josh did though is Josh, and there is no empathy for him but we should understand why God tells us that all sexual immorality is wrong. Maybe, just maybe, Josh can help us to understand how we all can be redeemed from the most heinous of sin, and even the shame of that sin. 

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Is God's grace really amazing? Can it save a wretch like me? Can it help the lost be found? Can it make the blind see? How long is his hand to reach down into the deepest and darkest of pits? These words have been lost on deaf ears, and now is played on commercials for rescuing dogs. Is that what God sent His son for to die on the cross? We like to rank sin, but what is the sin that caused the fall from "grace" of Lucifer himself? If Satan is any indication, than we might want to rank the sin of pride pretty high when we rank those sins. I can't tell you how many are gleeful at the news of Josh's "fall", and how many have actually said they are better than Josh because they "never molested" anyone. 

Well, speaking of Amazing Grace. How many know the story of the man who wrote Amazing Grace? His name was John Newton, and he was the captain of a ship used for the slave trade in 1948, when one of those ships was in a violent storm he had a conversion experience with the Lord Jesus Christ. For the rest of his life he observed the anniversary day of his conversion May 10, 1948 as a day of humiliation in which he subjected his will to a higher power. Now how many of us would say that he participated in something terrible, awful, horrible, depraved, wretched...? Yet he went on to write the most recognized hymn, most sung hymn, and most played hymn at funerals of all times. 

So what does the actions of both John Newton and Josh Duggar remind us about?

1) Look in the mirror! We are all sinners! Our most righteous act is like filthy rags. When you try to say what you've done is not as wretched as what Josh Duggar has done than you better watch out on judgement day. I have not molested anyone, but I assure you what I've done is as wretched as what Josh has done. I just don't have it all in the public. Am I as bad as any sinner? Yes! Paul called himself the chief of all sinners. The reason that Paul and I can say we're just as wretched is because we're not comparing ourselves to John, Peter, or Josh, but to Christ! Sinners include liars, fornicators, adulterers, murderers, gossipers, homosexuals, backbiters, haters of God, disobedient children, rebels, self-righteous, prideful, prostitutes, idolators, greedy, enmity, wrath, thieves, cheaters, child abusers, wife abusers, spiteful, manipulative, envious, and covetous people. We are not self-righteous if we are an admitted sinner who depends on the work of Jesus Christ for our righteousness.

For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64:6

Forgiveness and atonement of sin doesn't mean that the consequences of our sin are gone. There needs to always be punishment for sin on Earth, but true repentance of the heart takes away the ultimate consequence of our sin which is eternal death. When we are young teens our habits haven't been formed like in adulthood, and scientifically speaking the brain of an adolescent is moving from concrete to abstract thinking and then onto metacognition (actively monitoring and regulating thoughts). With a young teen the ultimate goal of consequences is rehabilitation and restoration, and not just for punishment sake. 

For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 

2) Christ death, burial, and resurrection was sufficient for all sins. The more wretched the sin, the more there is a need for a Savior, and the more need for a Savior, the more amazing is His saving grace!! Christ death on the cross was horrible, awful, terrible, painful, hurtful, and violent, because our sin is horrible, awful, terrible, painful, hurtful, and violent. He took all the punishment for our wretched sins! The payment or punishment is equal to the crime. If you need to know how horrible all of our sin is, then look no further than at the punishment Christ took for our sin! That is the punishment that we all deserve. For Grace to truly be amazing than it has to have atoned for something really bad. The foot of the cross is level ground, and we are all in equal need of redemption!!

3) God is love, but He's also just. He is the only one that can judge a repentant heart. I can't tell you if Josh is truly repentant, as I can only judge his behaviors. God is ultimately the one that can heal the ones who have been hurt by this, and judge the heart of Josh. All I know is I can not say I'm better than Josh or any other sinner out there, including all the holy grails of sins in the Christian community of abortion and homosexuality. God's Word says that with the same measuring stick we measure others it will be measured unto us. Those who measure homosexuality, child molesting, or abortion with a greater measuring stick than you measure your own sin should watch out as that is the same measure your sin will be measured! I've heard all kinds of man's ideas of the justice that Josh deserves. What does a judge need in order to judge? A judge needs the truth, and I can't judge what is right in this situation as I don't have all the facts. Only those who were there, and God know the truth. All I can do is to pray that God's justice is done, and I can pray for healing for those who have been hurt through his actions. 

Now that I've had time to really think about the situation I'm ultimately shocked that churches are no longer the hospital for the sick, dying, and wretched. I'm shocked that we sing the song in our churches every week, but we don't really know that God's grace truly is amazing!! Why? Because it saved a wretch like me!!

A Mother's Day Wish

As we are approaching Mother's Day this weekend I have a wish for all Moms. I wish that all Moms would stop being so hard on other Moms and STOP making them feel like they're terrible Moms. I wish that other women and men would stop making snide remarks about other Mom's parenting. I wish that every woman would tell other Moms something they admire about them as a Mom, and not just the dutiful "Happy Mother's Day". I wish that they would pray for them to stop thinking that they are terrible Moms, and pray that God would give them wisdom to be the best Moms that He CHOSE them to be for their kids.

Yes, God gave those kids to that Mom and that makes HER the expert of HER kids. Moms have a God-given motherly instinct for her kids, and we need to realize that unless it's putting that child in direct danger our "advice" is probably more detrimental than helpful. There is no worse critic of a Mom than the voice in her head that makes her worry about everything she does as a Mom. There is also no greater and more rewarding job than being a Mom, but it's hard work and it's constant with very few breaks. Women need to stop being so hard on other women, and especially so hard on themselves. The bar these days for what constitutes a good Mom is so high that it's impossible to achieve "perfect" Mom status that we all strive for and seek to achieve. 

I thought my struggles as a Mom began when I had the twins, but actually my struggle began like all Moms the moment their first child is born. When Caleb was first born he wouldn't breastfeed, and I thought I was such a failure. The "expert" tried everything known to man, but Caleb wouldn't take it. We began to bottle feed him, and he began to spit up green stuff that was bile. He couldn't breath and was aspirating. They took him to the NICU, and began to pump his stomach immediately. That was so scary as a Mom. They were going to do surgery to remove a blockage, but 20 minutes before the surgery he passed a meconium plug and then filled 5 diapers in 15 minutes. It wasn't me at all, but the "expert" sure made me feel like a failure for not being able to get my child to breastfeed. A few days later he was back to normal and he was taking to breastfeeding. Then 3 months later I wasn't producing enough milk and Ken told me I could start bottle feeding as a supplement. I started crying and said "I can?". Then only a few weeks later I dried up completely and again felt like such a failure, but soon found out I was pregnant with twins. My body literally couldn't produce enough nutrients for me, twins, and breastfeeding. Why as a Mom would I feel like a failure for things I couldn't control? 

Besides those issues with Caleb he really was the best baby, and rarely ever cried. He was so easy going, and it was such a blessing. Just as I'd blamed myself for things I couldn't control, I made the mistake of giving myself credit for this sweet baby I had. I thought I was doing everything right, and that is why I had this great baby. I was a puffed up Mom, and ready to give every other Mom advice on how to be the greatest Mom like me. As the Bible says, "God is opposed to the proud, and gives grace to the humble" James 4:6. God decided I needed to be opposed/resisted for my pride and humbled so He gave me two of the most difficult babies a Mom could have. I definitely learned that temperaments of children have nothing to do with their Moms. I learned that I can't think of myself as a failure for the bad things I can't control, but I also can't take credit for the good stuff that I really don't have control over either. 

I want to share some other lessons I've learned as Mom these last 16 years that will hopefully encourage some Moms this Mother's Day: 

1) Learn to listen to your own instincts as a Mom, and never forget that God chose you as your child's Mom for a reason. Nathan and Noah were premature when they were born. Nathan came home at 3 months old on a feeding tube and heart monitor. I became his nurse, and had to learn everything about feeding tubes and even how to put it back down his nose because he would pull it out sometimes. When he was in the hospital I felt like many things they were doing were causing more harm, and would often question the doctors about what was going on. They would make me feel like the crazy Mom who didn't know what I was talking about and that they were the experts. I learned that while doctors do know a lot on most medical issues there are many things they don't understand like the bonding between Moms and their children. They also don't know about God-given instincts like children need to suck even when tube fed for development, and their drive to bottle feed can be lost. I was telling them they needed to do a barium swallow to see if he was aspirating. Just a few days after I suggested it they did it, but not after making me feel like I was crazy!! They wanted a plan for when he came home, and I told them the plan was to have him eat as much as he would during day and to do a Kangaroo pump at night to get the rest of what he needed. Guess what "plan" they eventually went with, it was the God-given Motherly instinct plan. Don't let the "experts" silence your God-given Motherly instinct.

2) Learn to silence the critics around you with a polite "thanks for your input", and then move on. Learn to silence your inner critic as well, and I'll share more lessons I learned about how to do that below. The problem is that many want to give you "motherly advice" or will make little snide remarks that can get under your skin. The biggest problem though is the critic within. I would have comments about how little the twins were (remember they were very premature so of course they were small for their age), and in my head I would hear "you are a failure because you don't feed them enough". Of course, Nathan wasn't even on the growth chart until he was 9 months old. Again, I was taking it as a failure for something I had no control over. 

3) Parenting is not a spectator sport, and we need to learn what our own Mothers taught us that "if we have nothing good to say than say nothing at all". We don't know what another Mother has been through, because we haven't walked in their shoes. We should offer help before we offer criticism!! I'm especially talking about really petty stuff like making comments about if a Mom is feeding her children goldfish. 

4) Speak kindly to yourself. See yourself as God sees you, and speak to yourself that way. When you're not sure how God sees you then read Psalm 139 to remind yourself! God created you to be the Mom of your kids, and He chose you to be their Mom for a reason. You are the best Mom because God CHOSE you! Remember always, it has been shown time and time again that Moms are way harder on themselves than kids are on them. The video I posted below is a great example and I hope it reminds you as a Mom what your kids think about you. 

5) Pray for your kids, and pray for wisdom to be the Mom that God has called you to be. "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him" James 1:5. Every child needs 4 things from their Mom; love, instruction, discipline and prayer. We will fail in all of the other areas, but one thing we can't fail to do for our kids is to pray for them! Whether you believe it or not, there is a spiritual warfare for the soul of your child. Every child needs a prayer warrior. God showed me after I lost my Prayer Warrior in 1996 through the poem below that my Mom's prayers continue on for eternity. May God bless you this Mother's Day!!

The Warrior

This morning my thoughts traveled along
To a place in my life where, days have since gone
Beholding an image of what I used to be
As visions were stirred, and God spoke to me.

He showed me a Warrior, a soldier in place
Positioned by Heaven, yet I saw not the face
I watched as the Warrior fought enemies
That came from the darkness with destruction for me.

I saw as the Warrior would dry away tears
As all of Heaven's Angels hovered so near
I saw many wounds on the Warrior's face
Yet weapons of warfare were firmly in place.

I felt my heart weeping, my eyes held so much
As God let me feel the Warrior's prayer touched
I thought "how familiar" the words that were prayed
The prayers were like lightning that never would fade.

I said to God "Please, the Warrior's name"
He gave no reply,
He chose to refrain
I asked " Lord, who is broken that they need such prayer?"
He showed me an image of myself standing there.

Bound by confusion, lost and alone
I felt prayers of the Warrior carry me home
I asked "Please show me Lord, this Warrior so true"
I watched and I wept,
for Mother...the Warrior -was you!

~Written by Larry S. Clark~

Is Seeing Believing or Believing Seeing?

Are we all in someways a doubting Thomas? He gets such a bad wrap, but I think we all want to see before we believe. I know that God has told me plenty of times that He was going to do something great in my life, and I struggled to believe. Thomas was certainly human to want to see and touch his nail scarred hands before he could get his hope up after such great loss!

Thomas answered and said to Him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed." John 20:28-29

Jesus still showed up, He still died and rose from the grave, as nothing Thomas did changed who Jesus was. Thomas just missed out on the blessing of believing Jesus promise before He saw the physical evidence. Thomas didn't trust all he had seen Jesus do, and who He had proven Himself to be for the past 3 years. The good news is he did believe as soon as he saw Jesus, and that built Thomas' faith to go on to become a great disciple of the faith. Thomas is even said to have reached as far as Muziris, India with the message of Christ in 52 A.D., and often regarded as the Patron Saint of India.

Faith is a spiritual discipline that grows through studying God's character, and experiencing His faithfulness. I think of it like any physical discipline that we have as well. Exercise is a physical discipline that takes time to build in strength and ability. I remember when Ken and I began training for the half-marathon that I signed us up for and I thought it was NOT possible that first day running. I couldn't even run 2 minutes straight, and I thought I was going to die! My lungs felt like they were on fire and so did my legs!! I studied though how others trained, and I saw that they too couldn't do it at first. It took training to gradually build the bodies resistance, and the muscles too. At first we did run for a few minutes and then walk, then built up our time. Before I knew it we were running 6 minutes straight.

This is how I think of faith as well, in that we must first always remember how God has been faithful to us. We must build memory stones in our mind of all the times that God has been faithful to hear our prayers. We also build our faith by seeing how God worked through others in the Bible. I love Hebrews 11 as it is often referred to as the roll call of faith. It list many of the Bibles heroes & heroines that had faith despite very difficult circumstances. I also have read books like Corrie Ten Boom's book The Hiding Place that have helped me to see the faith of others.

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog-the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see. Corrie Ten Boom

My faith is a muscle that is pretty weak sometimes and it has to be worked out like any muscle. God knows how weak my faith can be sometimes, and he is so gracious to see where my faith muscle is at. He works it out slowly, but just like finishing the half marathon there is such joy at the end to know that God worked on my behalf. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that you're in His will, and that believing is seeing!!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 

Since February 8, 2014 our life has been one of walking in faith for God's provision, when Ken lost his job only weeks away from being vested in a company he helped to start. Luckily, he had put in safeguards that included a good severance package. He then went to work for a start-up company, but because of choices made by the founder that lead to others not being paid Ken no longer felt right being paid when others weren't. He left that job, and we thanked God everyday for God's provision through his severance. Because of his nondisclosure agreement he couldn't work in the same field as the company he lost for a year. Every job opportunity he had before wasn't working out. He got some contract consulting jobs, and they all helped to provide everything we needed. We just weren't seeing anything long term though. We were so grateful for all of God's provision, and it helped us to learn to rely on God fully for everything we need daily.

With the anniversary of the job loss also came the end of the severance check, and we never could have imagined that Ken would not have a job by then. This also was the release of the NDA though which opened up more job possibilities. About a month later Ken and I had a very hard day. We were both having a lot of anxiety. We were both saying things that would make the other anxious as we were getting down to the bare bones of our finances. We were talking that day of possibly putting the house on the market. That is stressful in and of itself to think of getting a house ready for the market, and then thinking what we would do with our Bible Study meeting, etc.

I had been working on another blog post that was taking me back to remembering the church we attended when we were in college. That lead me to remember someone who taught Ken and I more about faith than any man has ever taught us. The man's name was Manley Beasley. I found some quotes that day that began to work in my heart. I shared them with Ken, and we began to pray.

"I tried bargaining with God. I even attempted to play on His sympathy - but God doesn't respond to either of those approaches. You can wish; you can desire; you can anticipate; you can do all kinds of things but still not have 'substance.' Sadly, that is about as far in the walk of faith that a lot of people go. They know intellectually. Their emotions desperately desire. But neither of these in or of themselves move God into action." 

"I told God that if He would just solve my problem, I would never doubt Him again. As I look back, I realize that I was getting it backwards; I was trying to get God to meet my need so that I could really believe. I did not realize that anyone can believe 'after' they have received. That is not real faith." 

"I was finally beginning to see that faith was not only intellectual and emotional, but also volitional. God has given us a will. With that will we make choices - choices to either accept something or reject it... I began to realize that God was waiting on me to act on His revealed truth because faith is acting on the Word of God. I must not only believe He can meet a need; I must not only want Him to meet a need; I must begin to act as though the need has been met, even though I might not be able to see it, feel it, smell it, taste it or hear it. I must begin acting as if it is so, when it is not so, in order for it to be so, because with God it is already so." 

"This now meant that I had to begin acting as though I had the $30,000 I needed to cover the note and the car. I said, 'Lord, I don't understand it.' He said, 'That's none of your business.' I said, 'How are you going to do it?' He said, 'That's none of your business either.' I said, 'But Lord, what if I fail?' He said: 'Who said you were a success?' I already knew that I was a failure, but that moment I decided that sink or swim, live or die, I was going to trust God." Manley Beasley:  Man of Faith - Instrument of Revival by Ron Owens

Manley Beasley was truly a man of faith. We had the pleasure of sitting next to him at church one night when he was speaking at our church before Ken and I were even married. Sitting that close to him we could feel and see that he just exuded the Holy Spirit. When he got up to speak he was barely able to walk, and they had to get a stool with a special cushion for him to sit, because he was so weak and had sores all over his back side. He was stricken with a disease in 1970 that the doctors said would kill him, but he lived with that disease for 20 years and several others as he trusted God each day for enough healing to get out of bed. His faith changed our lives!

God continued to remind me of all of what Manley Beasley had taught us about faith so long ago. Later that night I had a melt down with my son. I was helping my son get done with his school work for the semester, and let's just say we both were getting on each other's nerves and it didn't go well at all. It was late, and I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. Ken had been asleep, but heard me and sat with me while I cried. We then began to cry out to God, and I felt ashamed at my lack of faith. God has blessed us beyond measure, and He has ALWAYS been faithful for provision. We just began to claim what we couldn't see and really believe that He was going to make a way. We didn't know how nor was it our business how He would do it, just trusting that He would do it.

The next day Ken was going to a meeting that he had with someone he knew through mutual friends and acquaintances, in which they had worked for the same company 20 years before. They were introduced through one of our sons' football coaches. He was going to meet about raising some capital funds for this man's start up business. He was hoping it might be another short term contract work. He went there for an hour meeting, and when I hadn't heard from him after 2 hours I called Ken to see how the meeting went. He said they were still meeting, and he would call me later. We found out later that the man he was meeting with named Roy called his Director of the Board to tell him about Ken, and said that he really felt like Ken was supposed to be the CEO of the company. The Director of the Board said he supported the decision. We got off the phone, and I was praying at home the whole time. I was thinking that I was praying he would get out of that meeting so he could get back to some other opportunities that were in the works.

Ken went back to the table and Roy told him that he wanted to talk to him alone after they got done talking with the other employees that were there sharing about the business. Ken agreed to stay. When everyone else had left Roy told Ken that he really felt like God had brought them together, and that he knew that he wanted Ken to be the CEO. Ken was shocked! First, because Ken had no idea there was an opening for CEO. Second, because he thought this was just about helping them get capitol. Third, because it wasn't at all what Ken thought God would have him do. Fourth, because this was a little bit scary to do a start up company again. Fifth, well you get the point!! Ken didn't see this coming at all. They left the meeting in agreement to pray about it, and that Ken would have to talk to close out the other possibilities that he was working on before. Everyone he talked to was extremely supportive, and he had so many strong men of God that had been praying for him knowing the situation with his job.

Ken came home, and he just began to tear up telling me how honored he felt to be asked to be the CEO and the confidence that Roy had in him. We were both overwhelmed with God's love, grace, and mercy for us! Our God is so faithful, and all He requires is a mustard seed of faith. He is so amazing that I don't really get the idea how all He asks for is such a small amount of faith to move mountains (which simply means that God will make the impossible totally possible). Ken now works for a company called NutraSpace. The amazing thing is that Roy is originally from India, and his ancestors can be directly traced back to those to who were lead to faith by the Apostle Thomas. Thomas learned through his doubt that Jesus was who He said He was, and went on to be a great apostle that lead many down through the generations to Christ!

God works in His own way, and in His own timing though. He is a just in time God, and He knows just how much our faith needs to be stretched before that mountain moves. He also makes sure that there is no way that any man can take the credit. Even though it is ALL for His glory, it's not like the human selfish kind but in order to shine His character in our lives. When we know HIS character, then we know His perfect unconditional love for us. When we know His perfect unconditional love for us, then we know there is NOTHING to fear! When we know there is nothing to fear, than we can believe before we see. When we believe then we will be able to FOCUS on our FAITHFUL God, and not our circumstance.

You will keep him in perfect peace when his mind is stayed on You, because he trust in You. Isaiah 26:3

When we were in Colorado last year driving through the mountains this song came on in the car. We had flown into Denver, and God had miraculously landed our plane safely when one of our engines went out. We all were worshiping God because our focus was on His character that was on display. Rays of sunshine were shining through the clouds, and the mountains were so majestic. Our focus was on Him, and the only response we could give was to worship Him.

"Your Epidermis is Showing"

I used to go around telling people when I was about 8 or 9 that their epidermis was showing. I guess someone older had taught me that, but most of the people my age didn't know what it meant. They would look down to see if anything was showing that wasn't supposed to, and they would usually say something like "no, it's not".  They would look because they had ignorance about what it meant. I've heard it said that when we know better than we should do better. Unfortunately, in the case of abortion I think that ignorance is what makes people think there isn't really a life that is being snuffed out because they can't see the epidermis showing.

The question is being asked by many the last few days due to a politician asking someone else "when does life begin". I can't help but think that many believe babies don't have rights because life begins when the epidermis is showing, and before birth only the Mother has all the "reproductive rights". Reproduction means the act of reproducing or the condition or process of being reproduced. The process of reproducing occurred at conception, and all the "reproductive rights" were with the choice of what two people used to prevent or not prevent that conception.

Watching the news today we can see there are more racial issues today than ever, and many people feel that there is injustice for those whose epidermis' are different. If we truly wanted to show that we care for all human life, and skin color doesn't matter than shouldn't we protect life even when the epidermis isn't showing for the most weak and vulnerable? When we say all lives matter...do they really matter in the womb? Obviously, we can all see how horrible it is that a man is running away and shot in the back by someone who is sworn to uphold the law and protect life. Their epidermis was showing and we could see that the officer was white and the man running was black. Many feel like it was motivated by their epidermis showing. It's not in the news as often, but we just saw in Milwaukee how crime is increasing in the low income neighborhoods and all based on where they happened to live more than the color of their epidermis.

In China we can see that girls (in this case their gender is showing) are discarded like trash because they have a different chromosome that is not as valued as another chromosome. We can all agree how horrible that is that they would tell people that they can't keep their child, because the heart of a Mother is to protect her own flesh and blood. We can also see how horrible it is that women are traded into sexual slavery by groups like Boko Haram. We can see that Coptic Christians are being beheaded and know that they are being killed because their beliefs are showing and different. We can all agree how horrible it is that these atrocities happen all around us.

I just can't understand why people aren't as horrified that a baby can be burned, or have its limbs torn off because its epidermis isn't showing. An aborted babies only crime is that it happened to be "reproduced" in the wrong uterus, and deemed by "choice" to be undesirable because it might inconvenience the people that practiced their or didn't practice their "reproductive rights".

Even if we can't see their epidermis there is one that can see each life even in the womb, and was there at the very conception. I know the day that all my children were conceived, including my daughter (through the wonderful choice of adoption) Chloe, even though I didn't understand it at the time. I was awoken at 3 am on January 27, 2004 to pray for my baby girl. I had a picture of her in my head. I thought it was the day she was born, but God showed me later it was the day she was conceived. The interesting thing is that God gave me the words to speak that day and I prayed that God would form her inward parts perfectly. I even wrote it all down in a journal. I didn't realize that I was praying for her conception, but I was. God makes it clear that He knows and cares deeply about all people from the womb to the tomb.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my should knows it very well. Psalms 139:12-13

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb, who will help you, 'Do not fear, O Jacob my servant; And you Jeshurun whom I have chosen. Isaiah 44:2 

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

Listen to Me, O house of Jacob, and all the remnant of the house of Israel, You who have been borne by Me from birth And have been carried from the womb; Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver you. 'To whom would you liken Me And make me equal and compare Me, That we would be alike? Isaiah 46:3-5

I look at my daughter and can't imagine her not being here. I also look at my son Nathan and can't imagine him not being here, as it was recommended by a specialist that I "selectively abort" him. His amniotic fluid was dangerously low, and it would make it more possible for his twin Noah to have a healthy birth. How could I "choose" that Noah's life was more valuable than Nathan's life? How could I not trust their Creator that both of their lives were valuable?

I have the same heart as my Mother who worked with many women who struggled with "undesired" pregnancies. She loved babies and believed all life was precious and created by God. I remember she was so excited when the first pregnancy center was started in my home town, and her heart was to see many women served who were struggling and didn't have the support they needed in their pregnancy. She was leading on this issue to realize that we couldn't be "slapping" women with the Bible in condemnation if we wanted to help them to make the positive choice of life.

I worked at a Pregnancy Center for many years, and helped to start some post-abortion support groups. These women were often going through the same grieving process as if they had lost their baby from miscarriage or other forms of death. The thing that surprised me the most was the men who struggled with the decision of abortion as well. All abortion ends a life, but it also destroys families, which is often not talked about. I want any woman who has made the destructive decision to abort to know that there is hope and forgiveness on the other side of abortion. I have seen many times that God turns ashes of mourning into beauty, and can give the oil of gladness instead of grieving. The final stage of grieving is acceptance, and acceptance doesn't come until denial about the loss is done. I grieve that abortion has occurred in my family, and often think of the loss of a life that could have been. I pray for comfort for those who have lost especially because they don't understand they have lost. To me that is the saddest kind of loss!

I can't understand why some choose not to see, and I have to believe that they are just ignorant. I try to think of those kids who didn't understand their epidermis was showing, because they were ignorant that their epidermis was their skin. Unless they wore a burqa there was no way their epidermis wasn't showing. Technology seems to be changing hearts and minds because we can now see the life in the womb clearer than ever before. I think there are still many ignorant because they lack the knowledge that keeps many from understanding the truth. They don't understand that when there is a lack of a beating heart death is pronounced and therefore a beating heart is proof of life! I believe we have to try to understand and pray for those who don't believe abortion is taking a life, because too many of them believe life begins when their epidermis is showing. We must pray that they would no longer be ignorant of the fact that there is still life even when the epidermis isn't showing on the outside of the womb.

Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn. - Benjamin Franklin

The Rose of Sharon

What a blessing to hear Savior, the story of God's passion for His people last Friday at Gateway Church. It was a wonderful event that had beautiful worship music with a full choir and orchestra. There were musical guest of Twila Paris, Steve Green, Larnelle Harris, and Wayne Watson. 

They sang a song titled "Rose of Sharon", and it really made me want to research about what the Rose of Sharon means. All I do know is that I love the smell of the essential oil that I have. My son actually asked me "Who is Sharon". I found out the rose of Sharon is usually a thornless rose, and that got me thinking about the crown of thorns. I then began to research why they used the crown of thorns. What does the crown of thorns represent in Christ death? I thought I would share a few of my findings that seemed appropriate as we get ready to commemorate Good Friday, and Resurrection Sunday.

First, the Rose of Sharon is a name often used in association with Christ. It is a rose that is found in the plains of Sharon in the Holy Land. It is found in the Song of Solomon, and it is supposed to represent perfect love and beauty. This does remind me of the perfect love of Christ on the cross for us, and the beauty of His ultimate sacrifice. It is roses that a man often gives to a woman to show his love, and is seen as a symbol of love. Christ is seen as the Bridegroom that is coming for His Bride, and reminds us of His passion for pursuing us to His own death. It is ironic to me that it is said to be thornless because of the crown of thorns that is associated with his sacrifice. It reminds me though of a beautiful rose like a man would give a woman whose thorns are painful to the one that sacrifices for others to enjoy it's beauty, and given in love. 

Thorns or thistles in the Bible are often associated with the fall of man. In Genesis 3:18 it says that "thorns also and thistles shall [the ground] bring forth to thee". It is the fall that set into motion the pain and suffering of Christ in God's beautiful redemption plan. How often is it in our own pain that we can see how He turns beauty into ashes. It is the law that shows us sin that must be punished, and it is our tutor to bring us to Christ. It is in our pain that we often fall to the foot of the cross. It is in our pain that reminds us that we are only foreigners passing through to our HOME, and finally to our true resting place in Christ for all eternity. If we are all honest with ourselves we would understand that we would be quite content here on Earth if it weren't for tears, sorrow, pain, and suffering. It is the thorns and thistles that causes us to truly appreciate the beauty of the rose. It is only in our pain that we can truly appreciate the beauty of God's love for us. The beauty is that He will one day wipe away all our tears, no more pain, no more sorrow, and most of all no more sin that physically separates us from Him. Hallelujah!! 

Thorns and thistles was also seen in the story where Abraham went to sacrifice Isaac, and as he was raising the knife to sacrifice his son on the alter the angel of the Lord said...

Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me. Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. Genesis 22:12-13

This is a picture of the substitutionary sacrifice that Jesus became for us. The rams horns were caught in the thicket like a crown, and such a representation of the crown of thorns that would be placed on Christ head. The crown of thorns was placed on His head as a sign to mock Jesus as King, but little did they know that this was a representation of the fall of man. He came as the sacrifice for the sin of all man, to restore us to the beauty of His creation. 

There are many things about the Story of Easter that gets me emotional, but one thing that gets me every time is any song I hear that includes how He tore the veil. Anyone who has studied the Tabernacle, and the Holy of Holies knows how amazing it is that we can now enter into the Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies was separated from the rest of the temple in Jerusalem by a heavy curtain or veil. The Holy of Holies was the earthly dwelling place of God's presence, and the veil represented that we were separated from God. No one went into the Holy of Holies except for the High Priest once a year in order to make atonement for all of Israel's sin. As soon as Christ yielded up His Spirit then the veil was torn. 

And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split. Matthew 27:51

I often feel for those who think they still have to go to others like a Priest to confess sin, as we now have entry into the Holy of Holies through Christ. We are now the Temple of the Holy Spirit. We are the earthly dwelling place of God's presence. We can pray to God anytime and anywhere. He says if we confess our sins that He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1John 1:9) We are now found worthy through Christ to enter the most Holy of Holies, and one day we will be with Him face to face. Do we still only visit the Holy of Holies once a year on Easter when we seek Him. The veil is torn, and when we confess Christ as our Savior then we are no longer separated from God. Why would we not regularly enter into His Holy presence through prayer? What an amazing privilege. If we are worthy to go before the Holy of Holies then who on this Earth can tell us we are unworthy! 

This good Friday I will seek to remember that what was painful for Christ represents the GOOD news for us, and the beauty of His sacrifice. That He sacrificed everything so that we would no longer be separated from Him. I will seek to remember this resurrection day that it is through the pain of the crown of thorns that we can know the beauty of the "Rose of Sharon".

Here's a little sampling of some singing we heard before the Savior concert. Wayne Watson singing "It Was the Blood of Jesus", and Larnelle Harris giving us a little taste of "Amen". 

Teaching my 3 Teenage Sons to Beware of the 'Woman named Folly'

We are officially on a new journey at our house to teach our 3 teenage sons about how to treat young ladies, as well as teaching how they should expect young ladies to behave. This journey literally started last week when my oldest turned 16, and the twins turned 15 just a month ago. That includes teaching our 16 year old what it means to have the privilege to drive, and the 15 year olds what it means to have the privilege of a cell phone for the first time. This also entails sitting them down to go over the rules of cell phones just to have them break the rules the 2nd day, as well as texting girls in the middle of the night.

The texting lead to one of many lectures about how we treat women, and I figured I will just blog my lecture/lesson here so that I can refer to it regularly, and maybe it might help another Mom or Dad as well. After my son texted his friend (that is a girl) at 1 am I got upset that it only took 2 days after getting a cell phone to break the rules. I just can't help but ask why they can't keep the rules for at least a week? I do know that kids will break rules, but this really got me thinking about what is the etiquette in this day and age regarding teens. I know many will think it's just a late night text and that it's not a big deal, and my son definitely is one of those with the same sentiment. If you look at it just as a late night text than most are missing the heart of the issue, because the heart of the issue IS the heart. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The heart of the issue is our hearts are deceitful and wicked. My son thinks he was right because he was being "nice" to text her back even after he got in trouble for texting too late. He couldn't understand that it's not respectful to text someone that late when they could be asleep, simply because he's a teenager that doesn't have the life experience to know better. It begins though with a heart of disobedience and God says to obey your Mother and Father. It's obvious the girl didn't seem to have an issue with him texting so late, but does that mean it's ok just because they can text at that time. What is the right thing to do should be the question, and not what everyone else is doing. Do we set our standard according to what everyone else is doing? No.

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Joshua didn't say when everyone else chooses to serve the Lord then we will follow, but rather he said emphatically that it doesn't matter what everybody else does we will serve the Lord. We recite this verse often in our house, and relate it to issues like this as an example that it doesn't matter if everyone in the whole universe is texting at all hours of the night we will be respectful of others to not text them after a certain time. My first instinct when this happened was frustration, but God changed my heart from frustration to gratitude for such a privilege to raise my children against the current of our present culture. It really does give me such an opportunity to teach them to be lights in such a dark world. We can choose to be different just like Joshua!

This is an opportunity to teach my 3 teen boys about how we will choose to treat girls no matter how the girls behave, and maybe even teach some of these girls how they should want to be treated! My whole mindset has changed as I've been in prayer of how to respond the way that God would have me respond. I'm now grateful for this teaching opportunity for all three of my sons, and excited to see what God is going to do in each of my sons lives as we begin this new journey of learning.

I think this is a great opportunity to teach my young men about the possible woes of young women. My son didn't understand why it was wrong to text a girl back at 1 am to tell her "I got in trouble and I can't text you", so I had him look up and write out all the verses in Proverbs that gave warnings to a son about the "temptress". I explained that a temptress is "a woman who tempts someone to do something, usually an attractive woman who sets out to allure and seduce someone". He found quite a few verses, and reading them made me realize that I really need to teach our sons to beware of a particular Woman named Folly.

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn't know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men, going by who are minding their own business. "Come in with me", she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment she says, "Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret is the best!" But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave. Proverbs 9:13-18

O my son, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways. A prostitute is a dangerous trap; a promiscuous woman is as dangerous as falling into a narrow well. She hide and waits like a robber, eager to make more men unfaithful. Proverbs 23:26-28

I'm not saying that because a young lady is texting that late at night that she is like the woman named Folly of Proverbs. Actually, these verses helped me to realize that the woman is most likely named Folly because a young man wasn't taught how to treat that young woman. Women need young men that will show them how they deserve to be treated. There are women named Folly, because there are foolish men. There are foolish brothers, fathers, friends, and boyfriends that have not shown a woman that she deserves to be honored and cherished as a woman, and not treated as a sexual object. There are men that have objectified or abused the woman named Folly. My prayer is that I will have 3 sons that won't be a part of the reason a woman becomes a woman of folly.

I will teach my sons how to treat young ladies which entails; calling them at appropriate hours, how they talk to them, choosing to open the door for them, being a young man of their word, taking responsibility for bad choices, and having the young ladies best interest at heart. I will teach my sons that women are not to be objectified for their own pleasures, and to pursue their hearts and not their bodies. I will teach my sons that when they win their hearts, then they are to cherish it like a priceless but breakable treasure.

I will also teach my sons that they should be cautious of the immoral, promiscuous woman who tries to solicit them with their seductive, immodest dress, and flirtatious flattery. (Proverbs 5:1-23;7:1-27) When I think of a woman named Folly I can't help but think of the Carl's Jr. Super Bowl commercial model, in which that same model was unbelievably inappropriate on DWTS after saying she didn't want to be know just for her "boobs". There are so many women named Folly everywhere in our culture today!

Solomon wrote so many verses about such women in Proverbs because Solomon knew something about these kinds of women as he had over 700 wives and concubines. Solomon is said to have been very wise, and yet he fell into the trap of the seductive woman. Solomon is warning his sons because he knows what a great temptation this is for any young man, and he didn't have the greatest example from his father David who fell into the seductive power of Bathsheba bathing on the rooftop. Solomon definitely knows a few things about the power of a woman named Folly.

This has all brought up many questions about today's society. Is it old fashioned for the man to call the woman? Are we now in the age of the liberated woman that should be able to call a guy? How liberated is a woman if there are more rapes than ever, more women sold into sexual slavery, and more women sexually objectified than ever before? That's not my idea of liberation!! God created a woman with the desire for a man to pursue her heart, and God created a man with a desire to pursue. We have turned all the rules upside down, and how's that working out for us? 

God has an order to a relationship, and in Proverbs He's certainly warning that a woman named Folly will pursue them to seduce them. Does that mean that any woman that has called or pursued a man is doomed in their relationship, or that they are women of folly? No. With every rule there are some exceptions. It does mean that God has created order in a relationship with a man and a woman for our own good. 

...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

God knows the heart of a woman desires love. God tells the husband to love his wife, but then why doesn't he instruct the wife to love her husband? God knows the heart of a wife can not help but love her husband if the husband loves her as he loves himself (and even more profound is to love the wife like Christ loved the Church). God knows that a woman's weakness is respecting the husband, and thus His command is for her to respect knowing that is what meets the husband's desire of his heart. 

[The man] leads [the woman] onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own - a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts in leadership and delights in it (John Ensor, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

I love the analogy of dancing to illustrate how God has created the man and woman. God has wired the heart of a woman with the desire to be pursued, just as He has wired the heart of a man with the desire to pursue the woman. When a man pursues a woman's heart than he is proving that he is a godly man who will lead and love the woman well in marriage. A woman that allows a man to pursue her is showing that she is waiting on God, and she trust that God is truly the lover of her soul. 

The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man's way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. Proverbs 21:1-2

We think we know ourselves best, but really only the God who created us can know how He wired us. I was just reminded this weekend that God loves to put together amazing stories that showcase His power, His Love for us, His grace, and His glory! I'm going to continue to teach my 3 teenage sons that they should do it God's way, and then just sit back to watch God show off!!